We headed straight for New Jersey the next morning after school was let out. June 21–the true first day of summer when you have kids who are technical and mine are technical (Me: summertime! Parker: technically, Mom, it is still spring.)— came and went while we were there. But now that I am home, sitting in front of my computer at 5:51 AM (if I could forever be the person who wakes up in the 5:00 hour to work, to have a quiet cup of coffee, to meditate, all before my kids arise, I would be a better human being, I think), I’m thinking about summer ahead of us in all of its kids-running-through- sprinklers glory and, if I’m being honest, a (just a small) dash of “Shit — July is already around the corner” doom. I always get nervous when July comes around.
I was thinking this morning, actually last night in the shower, about losing people. Or, more specifically, how to ensure that they know what they mean to you while they are still alive so you don’t regret the things left unsaid when they’re gone. It came up because there’s this person I’m friends with on Facebook (All promising sentences start this way, don’t they?) and he writes such clever, or compelling, or poignant statuses–always different but noteworthy–and he’s old. And I wondered if I’ve ever made a point to say to him how much I enjoy reading his writing. Such that if one morning he turns up gone, will I think, “oh man, I should’ve told him.” Now take that further. Moms, Dads, sisters and brothers, friends and relatives, neighbors, the kind librarian who always gives you a smile and is patient when your kids are too loud in the children’s room. I want all of these people to know, “I appreciate you” without being the weird girl who’s trying to have intentional moments with people at every turn. One thing’s for certain–I will definitely be writing a few real notes, mail and all, when I’m done this post. Now is now, after all.
I’ve just signed into my town library account. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as placing holds on books. It holds such promise, such optimism. A little less when you see there are 791 holds ahead of you (Where the Crawdads Sing) but more when you see you can pick it up this afternoon (Judd Apatow’s Sick in the Head). We’ll be heading to the lake next month and I want a whole bevy of books at my fingertips. Last year was full of them (Educated and Behind Closed Doors were two; there was a third and I can’t remember what it was now.) and it was so incredibly satisfying. Especially in contrast to the mindless up-swipe-double-tap of my thumb in the Instagram app. Are there any books I must, must, must read? (Speaking of, I’m trying to keep this up-to-date in all things, including books, so if you need suggestions, do visit!) While I have you, tell me you’ve read this by now? Do I have to keep telling you!?
My kids are up now, as you can imagine, and I promised pancakes and strawberries for breakfast to Anders last night. Such that he stirred in the middle of the night, sat up in bed, looked around the room requesting water and then plopped face first back into the pillow to fall back to sleep but not before saying, “I’m glad you’re making that breakfast in the morning.”
Above: favorite new earrings | blouse: old from target but similar (and love this one) | skirt: old from h&m but almost exact | shoes | sunglasses
791 holds? That’s… crazy? :O
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Ordering books online from your library is the best! I’ve been doing it for years and constantly update my holds list so I don’t have a stack that I can’t finish in the allotted time. I often put a book on hold before it has been released b/c I’ve read a favorable review or know I like the author. My city’s library will purchase another copy for every five people in line. So even when there are hundreds in line, it goes pretty fast. When the book does come, it’s like a forgotten gift. I order children’s books online as well. When my grandchildren will be visiting I make sure to have a few seasonal stories as well as old favorites or books on topics that are currently favored. Enjoy your long summer days of freedom!
“Dreamland” by Sam Quinones — about the opiate epidemic, good mix of storytelling (the human aspect of the epidemic) and history
“The Alice Network” and “The Huntress” by Kate Quinn — great WW2 historical fiction reads…both “unputdownable”
And if you haven’t read “Just Mercy” yet, you need to run out and get it ASAP! Happy reading.
I gave up on Where the Crawdads sing. I think I’ll wait a couple of years. ha!
My grandma passed away in March, and I’ve been thinking those same thoughts a lot. The last time I saw her, I know I hugged her and soaked it all in.. but was it enough? Do people know how much they mean to me?
Where the Crawdads Sing was good, but not great in my opinion. My favorite book this year was A Place for Us. SO amazing. I also love library holds!
Some older titles that might not have the wait but are awesome: Here if You Need Me by Kate Braestrup (she is a widow and chaplain for DNR in Maine) , Fates and Furies by Lauren Goff (wait for it… starts out slow but is incredible if you stick with it), anything by Ruth Reichel, The Best Cook in the World by Rick Bragg, and Calypso by David Sedaris (audiobook is amazing). ALSO, Circe by Madeline Miller is SO worth any wait. Best book I’ve read this year, easily.
I read Fates and Furies! That’s the third I couldn’t think of! It was good… but so strange!
I agree! It was incredibly well written, but I kept thinking, “Do I like these people?”.
totally!
To read: The Great Believers 💓
To read:
This is the story of a happy marriage – Ann Patchett
This is how it always is – Laurie Frankel
Hey Kiddo
Nothing to envy – Barbara Demick
Persepolis
Where’d you go Bernadette
I loved Hey Kiddo. Beautifully done.
Oh, I just read This is How it Always is…LOVED it. Highly highly recommend! It is beautiful and funny and poignant and thoughtful and wise.
Add ‘Beneath a Scarlet Sky’ and ‘The Light we Lost’ to your wish list, neither of which you will be able to put down!
Totally relate to this thought about telling people what they mean to you. One of our friends died tragically this Friday and I find myself bopping around wishing I’d told him how bright he was, how much his joy meant…and just spent more time talking with him. I wish I’d appreciated him more when he was here, and certainly didn’t expect to be “remembering” him so soon.
Tell those people <3
oh man, abbi. i’m so sorry to hear that. it’s tough to live in the awareness of loss all the time but also the best way to ensure we don’t have regrets. even so, my guess is that person knew they were loved by you. thinking of you guys.
The Great Alone by Kristen Hannah. Sooo GOOD!
ooh. off the reserve that one now!
To read; Inheritance by Dani Shapiro, An American marriage by Tayari Jones, both just great. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi and The House Girl by Tara Conklin…also very, very good.
Totally get your thoughts about July. When the fourth of July hits it is exactly the middle of our summer and it always makes me sad that it is half over… it literally gives me a little pit in my stomach. But then somehow once the first day of school approaches, I’m “kind of” ready. But right now the thought of another school year is daunting. Taking it day by day over here and stretching out summer as much as we possibly can 😉
And speaking of telling others you appreciate them… I appreciate this blog 🙂 I love your writing style and motherhood style and your fashion style too. Some blogs, for some reason or the other aren’t relatable to me, but yours has made me laugh, cry, and is just really practical. (great recipes, fashion tips, etc). Keep on writing! 🙂
sarah! thank you so much. and don’t think about the school year just yet… too soon! i know we’ll find a way to roll with it when it comes, but… i can’t bear the thought yet :-\
Im taking 30 graduate credits this summer so i won’t have time for pleasure reading. but, being a 6th grade teacher, i mostly read YA novels. they’re quick but the stories are worthwhile. i’ve committed to only reading books written by Black authors for the last year (in my teaching and personal life). as a teacher, nothing is more gratifying than passing around a book in the classroom where we have impromptu book talks just because we simply loved the book and feel connected to the characters. i swear that modeling a love for reading is the best lesson for children. my family always read so i became a reader. now i make sure my students know how much i love reading and, on most days, my students moan when i ask them to put away their books. some that i (and many of my students) have read and loved are: Cooper Sun, The Hate You Give, On The Come Up, Piecing Me Together, All American Boys, Betty X, Watch Us Rise and Long Way Down. all of them tell stories from a Black perspective.
i’ve experienced death in two equally painful ways. my dad unexpectedly died while i was away for the summer teaching in italy. i was 26 years old. my parents had divorced the year prior. my dad and i were just piecing our relationship back together again. i’m so thankful that we had started after i had forced an absence of his presence in my life for over a year. it was incredibly painful as an only child to plan a funeral for a parent and do all the necessary things one has to do. alone. at such a young age. it was so sudden that for at least 6 months afterwards i would think i would see him driving. such a steep lesson in the finality of death.
i wrote you about my grandma and our adventures camping. right after my dad died my grandma started getting sick. my dad’s surprise death taught me how final death was and prepared me for losing my very best friend and soul mate. i didn’t take one minute with my grandma for granted in those two years of her being sick. her and i talked about her dying often while we would lie in her bed holding each other. heavy talks and light talks. like she wanted it to be me who painted her nails for the last time. i remember telling myself to permanently stamp everything about her in my mind and heart. if i close my eyes, i can still feel holding her hand or what she smelled like or how her eyes lit up when she laughed. i just knew i needed enough of her to last my lifetime. so i soaked everything up. and said everything in my heart.
understanding what i would need before having to say my forever goodbye to my grandma was the last gift my dad gave me.
oh my gosh, aimee. i don’t have the words to even respond to this, but i’m going to try.
it’s so evident to me, in this comment and others, that you are such a gifted teacher. that you are instilling so much life and love in your students that is far reaching, and that their memory of being in your classroom, how they FELT in your classroom, will go far beyond then, perhaps, their memory of your face. the lessons and wisdom that can come just from an impromptu discussion on a meaningful book… what a gift you’re giving them (and them you, i’m sure).
and your father’s death. especially as an only child, with a previously tough relationship. i’m so sorry you had to endure that painful lesson on death, but what it gave you as your grandmother began the long road to leaving is such a gift, like you said. this line brought tears to my eyes: i just knew i needed enough of her to last my lifetime. so i soaked everything up. and said everything in my heart. you’re a gifted communicator, aimee! when are you writing your own book? 🙂
I had to chime in, I was 600ish on the list for Where the Crawdads Sing at my local library, yeesh!! Hilarious to hear you are having a similar experience. Luckily my MIL bought it, read it, and passed it on. I devoured it in just a few days, it’s worth the wait!
Books of note I’ve read lately: The Leavers by Lisa Ko, An American Marriage, and Little Fires Everywhere. Happy reading!
Have you ever read “The Guernsey Literary andPotato Peel Pie Society”…if you haven’t its a MUST!!! They made it into a movie onNetflix and if you haven’t watched it yet, DON’T! Read the book first…duh!
i haven’t!! but i’ve heard of it and will add it to my list!