I’m certain that if we looked back at all of my February posts over the last eight or so blogging years, they’d all have a certain Eeyore-esque tone to them. Just like his penchant for melancholiness, so am I this way in February, it seems. Woe is me. Me and Eeyore both. Steve came in the door the other day, and I immediately launched into how housebound I’ve been (sick boys have added to the February dreariness) and how I cannot do it another February! I, I, I, me, me, me! He slowly backed out, got back in his car, and drove away. Next February break (this is break week in MA, but never aligns with Steve’s breaks from school) I shall go somewhere! Mark my words, we’re leaving you, Steve, (and this hellhole!) behind!
I didn’t say all of that. But I said some of it. And what I didn’t say, I thought.
You know what I don’t like about myself? Too many housebound winter gray days, it’s like I need to mentally check out from my duties as a mother. My kids are still taken care of, fear not. I’m not implying that it’s a free-for-all and they’re in the kitchen using sharp knives to cut the crusts off their own sandwiches (we don’t actually do that anyway), but I just feel emotionally unavailable. Burnt out. Maybe they get like 40% of me, give or take. Extra long time spent in the bathroom, mindlessly scrolling IG, basically I find myself checking out too often. Maybe I’d be a much better mother in Hawaii. There’s a study to be done there… Mothers in warmer climates are better than mothers in colder climates. There’s your headline.
I’m certain that come school next week, I’ll look around my emptier house and regret letting some of the week get away from me without enough fun. I’ll miss having them at arm’s length. Thing is, I often like our holed up cozy winter days spent home. Just not too many in a row, please. I’ve told pajama-clad Parker about ten times so far (and it’s only Wednesday as I write this), “It is so nice having you home.” And it really is. So, even in the midst of our housebound-for-days days, I’m certain that I am still really good at expressing myself to them and do it routinely and with gusto. Let my love for giving them love never leave me. (It never will.)
It’s always this time of year too, that I get restless, that I think about a change up. Like a big one. Selling our house and moving into an RV. Being mortgageless. Homeschooling. Taking the show on the road. Living on a commune. Living abroad. Becoming nudists. (JK on that one. Maybe before nursing, that would’ve been on the table?) Let’s quit our jobs, Steve, and ride off the cliff clutching one another’s hands Thelma and Louise style. This is our one life! No more rat race! LET’S STICK IT TO THE MAN.
In reality, I’ll forget this dreary break in a few week’s time, my promise-threat to fly somewhere south, and most likely find myself back in my home next February break, clicking away at my laptop–tap tap tap–declaring, “February break is the worst, you guys.”
Mmm… I think everyone’s just better when the weather’s warmer! Y’know, SAD and all that. 🙂 Stay strong!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
It’s about this time each year when I habitually rant over my latest Dutch oven meal that sunlight is medicinal and our bodies weren’t made for winter, ha! A touch dramatic perhaps, but it feels true.
We are the same person about mothering in February! I could have written this post eXACTLY. Sick kids.. too much scrolling .. begging my spouse to jump on board the move to California. I even went so far as to look at real estate. Every blessed February! So solidarity!
Sending warmth and assurance that you are the mother now that you know you are in mid-summer – the best mother there could be for your kids. You are teaching them now how to find strength when you feel defeated. What a gift you are giving them.
that’s a different way of looking at it – thank you for the perspective, jamie!
February is the longest month, EVER! I hate it with a passion – and neither Valentine’s Day nor President’s Day is not a sufficient antidote, sorry. Before I started taking Vitamin D (first, by prescription and now, by the handful in delicious chewable form), I would have to gut out every February while battling major depression. Now, I can make it through, but it still ain’t pretty. And I live in (mostly sunny) Austin!
*Got a little too fancy there, sorry! I should have said:
“…and neither Valentine’s Day nor President’s Day IS a sufficient antidote, sorry.”
“Maybe I’d be a much better mother in Hawaii.” I think this every day, just replace Hawaii with any warm state, Florida, California…
You summed up what we’re all thinking so perfectly. I’m in the thick of it with you. My usual overly positive self starts to really waver this time of year. Goodbye February. Hello March!
I feel ya. I am spending too much time on Googleflight lately, planning trips we will never take :(. This former southern CA girl (living on Cape Cod the last 9 years), misses the warmth at times. Mostly, I love having the seasonal changes here that you don’t have there. But, come March, I always feel robbed of Spring. We seem to always get hit with a storm or two that pulls us right back into winter, just as the calendar inches into Spring.
I’m with you, sister! February and March both suck! On another note, Parker is really looking a lot like you these days! I used to think he was Steve’s mini, but now suddenly I see a strong resemblance to you!
Yes, yes, yes. February is the WORST. Currently typing this as I covertly IG scroll, on my millionth cup of tea, with a cold bug that won’t quit, in what is now my Wear Every Rainy Day sweater, while my toddler finally naps after a morning of wayyy to little fun and wayyy too much cranky mom-time. And the worst…I live in California!! I blame February. How is it that every January is full of new year, new beginnings, healthy cooking, lots of energy, and then BAM. The end of February-it’s like the universe reminds me of my worst self every time. Anyway, thanks for writing this post. It TOTALLY sums up how I think every mother feels right about now.
So I’ve read a few books about living on a commune and a lot of it is appealing but then the whole sharing of raising the kids thing would drive me mad. I do the whole mental escape thing a lot this time of year too when winter feels unending. I say just make it through the winter and things will all come into place.
Holy Moly, THANK YOU for this post!!!!!! I feel exactly the same way. Every. Single. February.
I actually love your February, Eeyore-esque posts. We all feel like that in winter, don’t we? It’s refreshing to read a post about the blahs and staying inside and being cozy and wishing for travel. More relatable than reading an actual travel post. Know what I mean? It’s nice to have both 🙂