Lying in bed tonight with Parker and Anders, the daily bedtime routine, and Parker says to me, “why doesn’t my shirt with the thumb holes, like the one you have with the thumb holes, have a pocket like yours?” “I don’t know buddy. That’s silly.” “Yeah, do they think kids don’t need pockets? Kids need pockets. Maybe more than big people need pockets.”
First, I didn’t even know mine had pockets. Or that his didn’t. His attention to detail is incredible.
And he’s right. The amount of things I’ve found trapped beneath that big rubber lip in the washing machine, things that got spun out of their nestling place in his pockets, is evidence of that. Most recently acorns, but also rocks, Lego accessories like knight helmets or tiny guns, rocks that aren’t really rocks at all but gems to be saved in a special spot. These tiny treasures remind me that kids really are the teachers. When was the last time I turned over a rock from my backyard in my hand, inspecting its every angle, trying to determine if it’s worthy of saving and then tucking it in my pocket when I decide it is? When was the last time I gathered acorns to save for the squirrels after witnessing them scurrying across our yard from the kitchen window desperate for food before everything becomes barren and white? It’s been years.
I confess I haven’t stopped, really stopped, to play a lot with my kids lately. That statement alone makes me want to cry. I have been consumed with so many other things that when I do that sort of self-assessment at the end of every day, as I do, I’ve been giving myself a big fat F in the mothering department. “I’ll do better tomorrow.” That’s not to say they’re standing there tugging at my pant leg begging me to play blocks while I shoo them away, but even so I feel my mind elsewhere. I’ve not been present. Because at the end of the day, if I can’t check a few boxes in blogging, dinner on the table, a cleaner inbox, more Beautycounter knowledge, some folded laundry, a tidy home, then I get a big F in that department too. And though the F in the mothering department feels way worse, I haven’t done much lately to change it. If I’m being honest, though, I’m getting an F in both.
Here’s to new beginnings, creative imaginations, saying I’m sorry to our children, and the forgiveness they so readily give.
I love this post and wanted to share my favorite quote by Mary Ann Radmacher “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow'”.
Oh I love that. Bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you.
You’re only doing the best you can, and learning on the way!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Thanks, but I’m afraid I’m not doing the best I can as a Mom (and I feel okay admitting that too. First step to doing better, right?!).
We all do it.. this summer I really tried to make a greater effort to play with the boys, plan activities and excursions. It’s not easy.. I didn’t do half the things I had planned to do. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we need to..
I remember finding my sons’ pocket treasures and love reading stories like yours and seeing photo stories like this:
http://mashable.com/2016/04/02/preschooler-pockets-photo-series/#oNYWWXb0_aqD
One of the greatest joys of being a grandmother is being able to simply play, read, converse, and observe the littles. When I am with them for a day, everything else can wait. For now, know your presence is their anchor and the family dinner is the glue. You’re doing more than fine.
Oh I love this. Thanks Cynthia.
I’ve been feeling the same way lately! I don’t know if it’s the changing season, the lack of sunshine we’ve been experiencing or other random excuses but I feel ya. I hate the feeling in the pit of my stomach at night when I’ve had those days, too. I think we are allowed those ‘off’ days and really…your kids KNOW you love them & care for them. These few days won’t sit in their memory box. I still understand how you feel & the desire to be better for them. So…here’s to the upcoming weekend when we can *hopefully* unplug, refocus & be present!
Oh man this post resonates with me. I am not good at playing with my kids honestly. I have a hard time keeping focused. I feel foolish. I know that’s terrible to say but its true. I love reading to them. I love working on something with them but just “playing” is not my strong suit. Ugh. I need to get better! You have to keep in mind that some days are gonna be great Mom days…some days are gonna be great Blog days…and that’s OK. You won’t be able to do everything every day. Its not possible! You need to give yourself some grace for those days where your kids are not getting quite the attention that you want them to have. My kids have never felt neglected because I don’t play well with them…they just know that I’ll spend time with them in other ways. You are a GREAT mom! That is so clear! You are doing a great job!!!
me either. imaginative play is not my strong suit AT ALL. reading, crafting, being outside, etc. i can do but just imagination play? i’m terrible at it. i hate that!
I did not play with my daughters much when they were little. I always was thinking about what to clean next. Or cook next. Or read next. Or knit next. They grew up into awesome ladies and are never bored because they learned how to be independent. Of course I didn’t just leave them to fend for themselves, but playing was not my forte. I now have four grandsons, and I no longer am thinking about what’s next. My time with them is now. It’s the best and I will have no regrets. But I have no regrets about their mamas either. So, my point is, don’t beat yourself up over what you aren’t doing. Give yourself credit for what you are doing!
thank you for this comment, karen!! i really appreciate your perspective.
That quote in the comments really struck a chord ♥
And thank you ever so much for your honesty, Bridget, I really appreciate how often you open and make me feel less alone with all this.
Since I got back to uni it’s even worse – learning feels so much more difficult than in my school years and then I feel guilty when I’m playing with the kids and I’m not really there and vice versa. At the end of the day, I really learned to say sorry this year and to not quit trying.
Sending you love and thank you for being here.
My whole class of 6th graders were frustrating me today. Not for being bad, but, honestly, for being so engaged they wouldn’t stop talking. I have majority students of color in my class and I find myself forcing my white norms on them all the time. Like, STOP TALKING! Instead of giving them 30 seconds to a minute to talk! Anyways, I took out my frustration on two of my (favorite) students. (Yes, teachers do have favorites) I called them out in front of the whole class which is the ultimate sin in 6th grade. They tried respectfully telling me “that’s not fair” cause it wasn’t. They tried explaining “I was just trying to give him paper” cause she was just trying to be helpful to her peer. But, I didn’t listen. And, worse, I shut them up. Again. So, I had to apologize. There was no hesitation in their forgiveness.. They immediately said, “It’s okay, Ms. Havens” and gave me their sweet smiles. Then we laughed at my grouchiness. Kids are so amazing. As a teacher, I’m so lucky to be with them everyday. Learning with them and because of them. While laughing all along the way.
oh i love this. i think apologizing to our kids / students / those younger than us is HUGE. you’re a good teacher.
Thy forgive so quickly! When I feel like a jerk Mom and just say sorry I get the biggest hug and move on to the next. So simple
You’re a wonderful mother for even being aware of that.