I was telling my sister that when I used to work out, I heard every bit of instruction that our barre instructor would shout out at us. “Tuck in your pelvis, connect the heels, get the arch out of your spine, shoulders down.” There was so much more room in my head. I was present. That was all before I had Parker and Anders. So, essentially, I was a different person entirely. Now I am in class and I begin the leg raises only to look around and discover that everyone’s toes are flexed while mine are pointed. I have less room in my brain to hear the intricacies of the workout. Is that just the mind of a woman with small children?
I have jury duty coming up. I already postponed it last year so I can’t postpone it again. When I called and said I had a baby (I don’t really have to call him a toddler, do I?) they asked how old and I said one year and they responded, “You’ll have to make arrangements.” What if there are no arrangements to be made?! What if I don’t know anyone capable of watching my child??? I’m still nursing! I’m an attachment parenter! You can’t make me stop! There’s a lawsuit here. If I don’t show up will I go to jail? Settle down, I am going to go, or call the line the day before and really, really hope that I’m not called, that is. But the mere idea that I could have some extended jury duty is giving me more anxiety than it should. Despite the aforementioned lack of space in my brain, I also really don’t like to be away from my kids for any length of time. What is that? It’d probably do me some good to get out, and yet I have a really hard time taking the opportunity. If I’m going to get some me-time, I certainly don’t want it to be at jury duty. Horrors.
I think it comes from that enormous-mentioned-all-too-often thing that time flies and I want to be around for every bit of it. Even now, here I sit, at a coffee shop (She’s out! She’s at a coffee shop! Sans children!). There’s a baby sitting across the way. I’m looking at that baby and thinking, “I miss my Anders.” Lord help us.
I fall into the same cycle every time I try to take time for myself. Get dressed and ready to go (even doing my makeup beforehand! Small victories!) and as soon as I'm there – or rather, as soon as I even get into the car and look in the rearview at the two empty carseats in the back seat – I get a pit in my stomach and feel homesick for my kids. Such is life as a mom, I suppose!
it's funny you said the rearview mirror/empty car seats. that happens to me almost any time I am off without them! then I get so sad!!!
My husband never goes to jury duty. I really don't think they pursue it; not worth their time. I'm a rule follower though, so I always go! I get some good reading time in, and I've never been chosen. Good luck!
In California, it doesn't matter how old your kid is. If you don't have alternative childcare, you're exempt! I'm learning something about Massachussetts law today.
I already loved California… and now… even more.
This! I love that you can just state that you're nursing or don't have an alternative (because many people simply do not) and that's ok.
Most states have laws that exempt nursing mothers. If you just said the baby is one, the clerk might have assumed he was beyond that stage so I would make sure they know that you are still nursing, because that might make a difference.
I don't have kiddos, but jury duty is such a pain! Hope you don't have to go!
I can't even imagine — but you're a beautiful mama and those babies are so lucky! PS – this photo of you is STUNNING. x
i am the same way about my kids! i have had a massage gift card go unused for an entire year so far because… because! i am sure i could use the hour but i like being with my babies. plus i literally hate being alone, even if just for a car ride… so the empty car seat comment, YES! ha! so anyway. jury duty hadn't even occurred to me!!! now i have a new paranoia. i hope for your anxiety's sake that you just don't get called!!! but if you do, hopefully it'll be no big and your babies will never even remember it happened. 🙂
i completely get it! i almost never leave them… but i don't want toooooo!
Hello, Ellie? Wait, I totally felt like I was reading something I've been thinking about lately! So glad I'm not alone in feeling like my brain is only capable on focusing on one or two things at a time (most often my kid). When I'm forced to try to squeeze in anything else up there (work, wifely duties, friends, exercise) I panic or go into a stupor of overwhelming anxiety trying to balance it all! Blah! Thanks for always keeping it so real Bridget!
I live IN FEAR of jury duty. I have no one here that can watch my daughter, plus she's still nursing too! And my state doesn't have laws protecting nursing mothers. A friend of mine who had jury duty was scolded by a judge for breastfeeding and not putting her child in daycare. Ugh!
I second Meryl's nursing comment. I've found that once they know boobies are involved, they back down. Or if you simply say that you do not have reliable back up child care coverage.
I would show for jury duty but bring Anders with you. What can they do?
I am going to sound SO OBNOXIOUS wit this comment, so just know in advance that I know that – but jury duty is really important. If you – or your husband – or your child – was charged with a crime, wouldn't we want good smart moms on that jury? If someone sued you for defamation over something you wrote on the blog – wouldn't we want good smart moms on that jury? It's annoying, it's a pain, sometimes it truly is impossible to find child care, all of that is definitely true. But juries full of people who have nothing better to do would not a good system make. (PS, full disclosure, I'm a lawyer 🙂
i know, i know!! you have a good point, kati! and yes, i'd want smart moms on my jury (and you as my lawyer!).
I was on a jury two years ago and it was one of the best experiences of my life. It really gave me confidence in the justice system. I had five kids at the time and it was definitely a burden, but all my kids were in school, so that helped. My trial was a six-week triple homicide (I live in the same county as Oakland, CA) and it was fascinating and the people that I met on the jury were all a class act. We still get together once a year for a potluck and email several times throughout the year. It might be too soon for you now with such a little one, but I'd definitely give it a try when your kids are older.
A good friend of mine disclosed that she and her husband have never gone to jury duty and there is nothing that can prove they received the summons. She is almost 40 so that is many years of not going and nothing being done about it. Also, my wife was ill the day of but she still showed up and they excused her. I would not be okay leaving my 1yo for the day either.
It really bothers me when people complain about jury duty. Everyone has important things they put on hold to serve this civic function (the only one we're required to do other than paying taxes in our country). There is so much bias in our justice system already, and having to leave kids, or an important job, etc is nothing compared to the horrors victims and their loved ones face or falsely-accused people live through. It is such an important job and one we should all take seriously.
I’m dying to hear how your jury duty ended up. I got called recently and deferred it because of breastfeeding (I live in Iowa…luckily they were awesome about it), but am pretty sure I’ll be called again in February. I’m still nursing my 14-month-old and don’t plan to stop anytime soon. I’m already stressed about this and it’s months away! Ahh!
don’t stress! it was actually not that bad. i did get called, and did have to go. and after sitting in a room and then even moving to the court room, all but ONE of us was dismissed! all told it lasted from about 8-10 am. don’t stress!