co-sleeping!
before i begin, i should say that i’m noooo genius in the co-sleeping arena. i’ve done it with both boys, though, so hours logged in bed with my boys? of that there are many! i realize this still doesn’t make me an expert. but after uploading a few pictures like the above to instagram, i’ve had a few requests to do a post on it. so here it is!
(disclaimer: take everything i say with a grain of salt and do your own research to determine whether or not co-sleeping will work for you. this post should not be where your research ends!)
when i had my boys, i wasn’t necessarily like MUST CO-SLEEP ABOVE ALL ELSE but i quickly discovered that, for us, it was the best way for everyone to get the most solid sleep. sleep > eating/showering/drinking/anything when you’re a new mom, yes? if i’m tired, i’m cranky, and if i’m cranky, nobody’s happy! co-sleeping is not for everybody. it’s true that some babies and moms (or dads, or partners…) don’t take to co-sleeping. some babies need their space, some moms are such light sleepers that every squeak their baby makes wakes them all night long, some dads are afraid of rolling over and hurting the baby, etc. etc. etc. for me? i sleep best when my babies are right next to me. likewise, my boys have always slept longest and hardest when i’m right next to them. they barely have to stir at night and i’m nursing, both of us back to sleep within seconds. (at night i’ve found, especially with anders, burping is unnecessary. i think babies nurse slower and calmer so there’s less swallowing of air and thus less need to burp.)
so, first things first. co-sleeping has to work for all parties. (steve’s always been happy to co-sleep, thankfully! he might say i left him little choice in the matter. what say you, steve?!)
now if we’ve established that it does indeed work for all parties, these are the basic rules i follow:
– don’t tie one on (get wasted) and go to sleep with your baby ever. it’s that simple.
– if you’re a really deep sleeper, perhaps co-sleeping will not work for you. if you work odd hours or are overly exhausted, don’t co-sleep.
– wear (particularly in the colder months) a long-sleeve shirt to bed. the reason is this: the baby’s face is roughly where your breasts are (for nursing). the covers shouldn’t be right at your baby’s face. and so, you should have the covers pulled up as high as your belly button thus leaving your shoulders/chest exposed. so, long sleeve shirt.
– if you have an overly soft bed (or a water bed, do people still have water beds?) don’t co-sleep.
– keep the baby in the middle of the bed between you and your husband or between you and a barrier. it was a learning curve, but now i can nurse on either side without switching positions.
– keep your room cool.
co-sleeping tools: you can use one of these
and have the baby in your bed with you. if that doesn’t work, this
is another option that has the baby on mom’s side for easy access/nursing. i’ve never used either, though one of my sister’s used the arm’s reach one. we did use these
on the outside of the bed with parker (and so you can be in the middle and have the baby on the outside, if that works better) for a long time.
and have the baby in your bed with you. if that doesn’t work, this is another option that has the baby on mom’s side for easy access/nursing. i’ve never used either, though one of my sister’s used the arm’s reach one. we did use these on the outside of the bed with parker (and so you can be in the middle and have the baby on the outside, if that works better) for a long time.
is that all? i struggled for awhile knowing what to even include in this post aside from, “i love co-sleeping!” please feel free to ask any questions and i will answer them below.
(i’m well aware that co-sleeping gets some very bad press. this is simply what has worked for us, and i’ve always taken it seriously. as with all things baby, be smart. your baby’s well-being is always top priority.)
How was Parker's transition from co sleeping to his own bed? Did he move to his bed once you were done breast feeding or was it when Anders came?
it went really well. i can see it going well or poorly more on the nature of the kid than anything we did or didn't do (i.e. i don't think co-sleeping absolutely equals a bad in-their-own-bed sleeper though some may make that case). parker sleeps through the night routinely now (and can go to sleep by himself too). we stopped co-sleeping around 18 months with parker, even though i continued nursing him till he was about 28 months (just not through the night).
OK So I have come back to this post as a reference. So helpful! thank you. We are cosleeping with my second (didn't with my first) and I am worried about the transition to his own bed, which I do want to happen eventually. 🙂 I love it now. My question: what came first with Parker? Weening through the night or his own bed? Did you have to actively ween him or did he lead it? Right now my 9 moth old nurses every few hours, more often when he is sick, ect.
Great post Bridget! We never full time co slept, just on the rough nights when she wouldn't sleep. There are still some nights at 15 months when we bring her into our bed to get a couple more hours of sleep. She almost always falls right to sleep next to us.
I was a co-sleep parent … Th good news… By the time they are 20 and 18… They both sleep in their own beds, or someone else's! Ha! But in all seriousness. They sleep, I slept, which at the time was worth it's weight in gold, and I so very-much miss those days of cuddling in bed with too many feet and arms to count!
oh i love this.
We currently bed-share with our two year old and four month old and I wouldn't have it any other way. (My husband would say different now, the two year old is getting greedy with his need for space).
So many tender moments have been shared and beautiful images captured of our snuggled babies sleeping. Statistics prove it is safe and actually reduces the rate of SIDS and is better for breastfeeding. Not to mention the long term benefits! http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/five-benefits-cosleeping/
thank you for that link, kristin! i've read so much positive research on co-sleeping–wish it didn't get such a bad rap (though, like all things, gotta be smart!).
Writing this again since I deleted it the first time. :/ we cannot co sleep unfortunately bc my little guy has reflux and nursing laying down is a no no if we want the milk to stay in the belly! We did a little co sleeping when he was a newborn before reflux hit and I loved the snuggles. I've always wondered about naps with co sleepers. I'm assuming you don't co sleep naps since you have a three year old also! Does he sleep alone for naps? Just thoughts I have. 🙂 love your blog especially since our boys are the same
Ages!
he can sleep alone for naps, yes! parker wasn't as good at that (wanted me close, most of the time–so he ended up sleeping on me in the carrier a lot… or i'd get to him quickly to get him back to sleep if i knew it was too short a nap) but anders is a pretty chill guy and will take good naps whether or not i'm there.
These baby pictures make me baby crazy… and I have a baby. HA!
We co-slept out of convenience more than plan and it worked well for us. Tried having the crib in our room with our first but that quickly became just silly as 99% of the time she was in bed with us. Our first had reflux and I wanted to answer Amanda above (I'm Amanda too – hi!) that for some reason our little reflux girl slept poorly in her bassinet or crib and needed a wedge there but slept well with us. She often started the night in the crib or bassinet with the wedge and ended up in our bed around the time we'd fall asleep and she did well in our bed. She did take Pepcid, but even when she would grow out of a dose and have more issues during the day until we got the dose corrected, she did well at night in bed with us. My little guy initially was only cosleep and then would start nights in the crib and then move to our bed and later went to the crib.
Hardest thing with both was when I shut the nighttime boob cafe. They still coslept some of the time but less often when nighttime nursing was shutdown (18 months and then 15 months – our kids loved their milk from the source vs the pumped milk in the bottle) daddy had to do more overnight comforting. They would snuggle on his chest and fall back to sleep and then they were there for early morning nursing with me after we'd all slept!
Cool to hear your thoughts! I've been intrigued by the idea since I only recently heard about it a year or two ago. I'm not planning on having kids anytime soon, but I don't think I could co-sleep because I'm sure I would ruin the baby lol. I am a terrible sleeper – my sleep is super deep and I move around and steal covers and all of that. It would not work out with a tiny person who can't defend themselves – my husband can barely defend himself, haha! But I think I would prefer having the bed be just for me and my husband, kind of a sacred space. I love the idea of having a bassinet right next to the bed though, because I cherish my sleep too!!
ha, yes! it's not for everyone–especially the octopus sleepers! (we have a few of those in this house! luckily not steve or i!)
My question about co sleeping is always bedtime…do you lay down with them? Do they go to sleep later, with you? My kids go to bed before seven when they are little and sleep settles down after the newborn phase a bit. I was never sure with cosleeping if the parent leaves the baby/child alone in the big bed until they come to bed? Or bedtime is for all in the middle of the evening? Same thing for naps? Is baby in the bed as you do stuff around the house?
anders is typically downstairs with us until i go to sleep at night and then he goes up with me. he'll fall asleep on me around 8, and then either stay there on me until we both go up or i transfer him to a safe spot on the couch while i get some things done. for naps, i nurse him to sleep and then usually sneak out… but now that he's rolling a lot, i will transfer him to the crib (in our room currently) for naps unless i'm there the whole time.
i said i would never do it…and like almost every "i will never" statement that i made before having kids i was totally eating my words! i wound up co-sleeping for the first six or seven months of my daughter's life. it was the only way that either of us would get any sleep!! looking back i'm glad i did it…it was such a short time!
true that!!
How do you nurse on both sides without changing position? We don't co-sleep (I could never get past the safety concerns), but we do nurse in bed in the mornings. I currently just roll us both over for the other side.
Just have to lean over to get your top breast towards baby. Hope that makes sense. Might be harder for women with smaller breasts.
yes. it'd be hard to describe without a picture, but basically when i'm nursing the top (left) breast but lying on my right, i'm leaning somewhat over the baby, and my left leg is acting almost like a kick stand, bent in a 90 deg angle at the knee to hold me up. it sounds weird and uncomfortable but i actually go back to sleep that way.
totally remember doing that same exact thing with my baby girl!
I co-slept with my son out of convenience, as well. I tried to put him back to his crib as a newborn, but quickly grew very tired of that as he woke up constantly. At the time we only had a full size bed so there was not enough room for a baby and two adults. So I took one side off of the crib (it was a crib that turned into a toddler bed) and pushed it up against our bed. It basically became one big bed/crib, but I was able to lay next to my husband and our son was safely and comfortably in his "crib" yet close to me for breastfeeding and comfort. Just an idea for others that may want to or need to co-sleep, but want some space in the bed.
i love that! you've got to figure out what works best–even if it means jimmy-rigging a cosleeper! (i've dreamed of a giant custom made family bed at times. does that make me crazy?)
iiiii would not have survived without co-sleeping!!!! seriously i think i slept better than every other new mom i knew, because i was pretty much the only one i knew, also, who did this and loved it to such a degree. so! it makes me happy to read this post. 🙂 mine is now aaaaalmost 3 and *mostly* sleeps in her big girl bed, although i love that she still joins us in the night. i need my cuddles 🙂 and number 2 is right around the corner so i have been very much wondering how it will go next round. the photos of you with anders are PRECIOUS!! so nice that i'm not a total alien for having a great co-sleeping experience! so glad you shared!!
not a total alien at all! it's been one of my absolute favorite things to do.
Maybe I'm a dummy, but I don't understand the first point. What are you referring to when you say, "don't tie one on"?
I think she means, don't get drunk. 🙂
precisely. since it's an absolute imperative, i probably shouldn't talk in outdated phrases, huh?!
We occasionally co-sleep (more often than not) but I'm wrestling with the idea of when to stop co-sleeping. Our lil guy is just a few days older than yours, and I'm working on getting him to stay in his crib all night. But it never fails that he stays in our bed during his middle of the night nursing. When do you transition your boys to their cribs?
parker was almost three when we transitioned him permanently. probably 18-22 months when we started doing crib a lot for both naps and night. i think you'll find the transition easier than you think!
with anders, i'm not sure what i'll do because he and parker will be sharing a room so i think they'll be so excited about that that the transition will be even easier? (or harder, perhaps!)
If you had asked me my thoughts on co-sleeping i would have called you a granola eating hippie. However, looking back, we just did it. We co-slept until 10.5 months when our son could no longer stand not having his own space. We co-slept for sleep and sanity. We co-slept because we didn't have to worry about the baby not waking us up if he needed us. We co-slept without any worry or paranoia that seems to accompany co-sleeping now. We didn't co-sleep because we felt our son wouldn't be loved if we didn't. We did it because it was convenient and comfortable and I wasn't even breast feeding. So, I agree that if it works for you, you should do it. Don't be ashamed or talked out of it. It's instinct and women have been doing it since the beginning of time.
ha! i'll fly my hippie flag proudly if i have to 🙂 thanks for your comment!!
The long-sleeve shirt tip wins gold, my husband struggled with neck problems for a month until he figured out what causes them (he used to blame it on age 😉 )
Thank you very much for posting this, Bridget. I got a lot of hate for co-sleeping in the past, so I'm really glad for any positive thoughts on this topic.
you're so welcome!!
We co-sleep, but I'm having a LOT of trouble getting my almost-4-year-old out of the bed into her own. We have a 16-month-old too, and it's getting CROWDED. Since I'm a full-time working mom (outside the home) co-sleeping was amazing for me for awhile; I loved the extra bonding and it definitely allowed us all to sleep better which was necessary. But now I'm so ready to get them out of the bed so I can have my own relaxing bedtime and I just have no idea what to do!!
Great post!! I am a lover of the co-sleeping variety. Now on baby number four in our bed, I am still so fond of it. We haven;t had a child-less bed in over 5 years. But every time we transition one out I am so sad. I have to agree that I am so grateful that my husband seems to not mind at all. And sooooo much easier to breastfeed and go back to sleep!
I never thought I'd co-sleep but we did for about 5 months. We started with him in a bassinet in our room but I felt like I was losing more sleep because I couldn't see him to see if he was awake or just making noises so into the bed he came. We used the Sleepyhead (which, as an aside, was our favourite baby product bought as he napped in it in our bed, on the couch and we brought it when we traveled overseas, etc.) http://www.enfant-terrible.se/products/sleepyhead®-deluxe-9707003 We transitioned him to his crib in his own room for naps first and then nights when he became a lighter sleeper and was clearly being disturbed by us (and let's be honest, us by him.) I thought I'd be sad about the move but it was SO GREAT being able to chat, get dressed, turn a light on, etc without waking the baby!
I was totally open to co-sleeping, but was exactly the parent you describe: "some moms are such light sleepers that every squeak their baby makes wakes them all night long." I couldn't sleep at all, so Alice was in a bassinet at the edge of our bed until she was about 7 (or 8?) months old and then she transitioned into her own room without any issue. Anytime I try to bring her into bed with us now she just ends up crawling all over us. Camping a few weeks ago? Miserable. She slept directly across my face. I kid you not.
hahaha. that's hilarious. also reminds me of this: the neck scarf! http://www.talesofmeandthehusband.com/2012/05/this-is-my-life.html
Thanks for this post. We currently co-sleep with our 2.5 year old who is still nursing. With #2 due in the fall I am curious if, when and how you transitioned P out, was it due to another on the way?
he was basically in a crib / our bed until we moved to our new home (so, almost a three year old). once here, we moved him into his own bed and room (so, at least five months before anders was born–i didn't want the transition to have anything to do with anders!) and it went pretty easily. we'd still do nighttime reading/cuddles. it wasn't a difficult transition!
when i say crib/our bed i mean we did a little of both–but from 18 mos on it was more crib than bed! (mostly cause mom couldn't totally rip that bandaid off!)
out of my 3 kids, my son was the only one who really took to co-sleeping. (my last child was a noisy, grunty baby and it just never worked and I was too nervous with my first). Those nights with him as a baby were some of the best sleeps I've ever had. So tender and sweet. I have often said that if I could choose one day to go back and re-live it would be one with him co-sleeping as a baby. Enjoy this time!!!!
oh i will!
I've been waiting for this post ever since you posed the question on FB! We bought a co-sleeper that goes on the bed (like the one you linked to) this weekend. We're trying to get Presley used to sleeping on her back. She has slept at a slight incline since birth, so laying flat on her back it foreign to her and it keeps her up. For the last four nights, I've put her in bed with us after her early morning wake-up (usually around 5:00 AM) to nurse her, and then I sleep next to her until about 6:15 AM when I get ready for work. I LOVE IT. To make matters more cuddly, one of our cats cuddled on one side of me this morning while I had Presley on the other side. Heart explosion! I want every morning to be like that!
it's the best!!!
Love the post! Co-sleeping with my 2 babies: 20 months and 2 months right now. Question: Did you swaddle over night and if so when did you stop?
my boys both didn't want/need to be swaddled! sorry!
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Thank you for such a sweet tutorial – all this time later, I've found it and love the end result. I appreciate the time you spent sharing your skills.
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Not going to lie, it always feels good to find another co-sleeper lover. nothing better.