Over a month ago now, I went out for a girls’ night, an all too infrequent occasion but that’s beside the point. I drove to Cambridge, to Border Cafe specifically, to meet some really great girls for a really lovely night. As I left the house, I gave way more instruction than necessary, after all, Steve is five kids deep in parenting and knows the drill. He side-eyed me, half-listening, but I had to go through the motions before leaving in order to leave in peace. You know. And there are things only a Mom knows: This sippy cup will leak in his crib if you leave him with it. This one won’t.
I left while Parker was still awake, in fact he was on the floor of the den, getting his diaper changed by Dad. He was babbling some incoherent song at the time. William was at the computer doing homework and Lindsey was reading at the kitchen island. As the front door shut, I could still hear the noise from inside, and I peeked into the window to see them all once more. I’m not sure why I did that. Probably because I’m never on the outside looking in. I’m always in the middle of things, amidst the chaos, never a true observer. I delayed my cheers of I’m free at last just long enough for that last spy before I got in the car and headed into the city.
Once in the car, I listened to “A Life That’s Good.” (Brief interruption: is not listening to loud music in a car by yourself one of the most glorious things? Also something that doesn’t happen too often for this SAHM Mom.) That song, it turns out, can make me cry on a moment’s notice. It has a way, like so much music does, of putting things into perspective. Shifting around the nonsense, letting it fall through the cracks, while the good stuff, the important stuff, rises to the surface. And, those lyrics. Those lyrics! Sometimes I’m a worrier, prone to anxiety, waiting for the next shoe to drop. Steve can be this way too. Is it because we’re two youngest children who married each other? Isn’t that a birth order no-no? Anyhow, sometimes the combination of us, if we’re both in one of those phases, is a real downer. How’s my relationship with Nathaniel? Does Lindsey know I love her? Are they doing okay in school? What are our finances like? Are we making good decisions? Are our kids going to grow up okay and come home for Thanksgiving? And then something good will happen, something that confirms the whole everything is going to be okay. Whether it’s Nathaniel calling me to ask me some cooking pointers for something he’s making for his apartment, or Lindsey and I dancing in the kitchen to Motown together while I get dinner ready, it’s something and it’s small and it probably means way more to me than it does them. But it confirms, even for a moment, the suspicion I have underneath all my worry which is that everything’s going to be okay and that everything’s actually okay right now.
I've never even heard this song. I love it!
~ Country Girl's Daybook
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Beautifully stated. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us, as I'm 100% certain that every one of your readers has similar worries, we love to know that we're not alone.
agree with leah. beautifully said 🙂
Good good song. Beautiful voice. Wonderful words to go with it, Bridget.
Oh Bridget, this is so lovely. That feeling of "everything's going to be okay" is the best, and you described it so perfectly. I'm glad you're feeling that way!
p.s. I'm an oldest child and I'm DEFINITELY a worrier.
I always think about my kids coming home for Holidays! I think to myself am I doing something wrong now that will make them want to move far, far away from me and never visit me. I just love my kids so much but I fail every single day as a mom. I get tired, upset, I yell, but at the end of the night I still tuck them in and tell them I am sorry and that I love them. I hope they always know I love them.
P.S. Love Nashville! I don't care what the critics say. I mean Connie Britton has perfect hair, why wouldn't I watch it!
what a beautiful post. in fact, i think it's my favorite of yours, ever. thanks for that perspective. what nice thoughts to remember at the end of a hard day. xo
I grew up outside of Boston (I've been a Californian for 15 years) and I LOVE The Border Cafe! Although I still don't understand the Mexican-Cajun fusion thing. Either way, beautiful post and your reflections about your family always make me cry.
Even though I'm in a very different stage of life myself, right now I also have that great feeling of everything being okay in the future — and everything being okay now –despite the day-to-day ups and downs…it's such a wonderful place to be mentally!
You are really a very good writer.
I really love this post Bridget. It might be one of my favorites. The visual of you looking through the window at your own life is really moving. I'm glad you are able to be thankful in the present for what you have. Sometimes that's hard.
You have a beautiful family + this was a truly beautiful post. xx
that song is so beautiful.
Such a cute post! And you have THE BEST taste in music. I'm pretty sure we're two peas in a pod.
Absolutely beautiful song. Thanks for sharing it. 🙂
LOVE Nashville! its my favorite tv show!
laurenofthedoxey.blogspot.com
I also used that song in a post a few weeks ago. It speaks to everything I ever want.
Love this.
this song would make–is making–me cry too. i love your heart and your perspective. i feel like i have a life that's good too…and better because you're in it. xx
Love this post (& that song). I am the youngest too (married to an oldest).., but both coming from single-mother homes, we definitely share similar up (& down) qualities/moments. I get it.
I love this song and Lennon and Maisy!! 🙂
great, great post! I love those moments when you get to look in and get a glance at what you've got and feel truly blessed, grateful, and happy. 🙂