i mean a doooooozaaaay. a real humdinger. alright, perhaps it wasn’t that bad. i’ll let you be the judge. let’s walk through it, shall we? it started with a wakeup from parker. as most mornings do. this part of the day is quite sweet really but you do have to brace yourself for a quick second… “okay day. be easy on me.” we usually bring parker into our room in the morning unless he’s ended up there at some ungodly middle-of-the-night hour already. upon bringing said toddler into bed, he only wanted to cuddle with mom and wanted nooooothing to do with dad. i mean, sweet for me, but poor dad! why must they do this? why must toddlers so delight in the favorites game? i can’t even fully enjoy the love upon which he bestows upon me when, you know, husband’s getting zilch. anyway. let’s move on.
so here we are. this particular day steve was going to be gone from like 8 am to 9 pm (never mind! as i write this now, he still ain’t home and we’re creeping up on 9:30). now, i know that’s some of your every day realities… and then some (hello grace) but it’s not mine soooo we only know what we know. i sort of rock the whole routine the school year brings. the monday through friday jam is sort of my thing. i know what to expect and i do it well. but this was still summertime! i wasn’t prepared! so anyway. steve’s gone, and i decide william, lindsey, and i will do some back to school shopping. we go to the mall and william and lindsey act soooort of hooligan-like which of course was frustrating. we get a few things for them at h&m and head back to the car. huffily. in a huff, if you will.
parker falls asleep for like all of three minutes just as we’re heading to our exit less than 2 miles from home. i desperately try to keep him awake but he ain’t having it. even the promise of TRUCKS UP AHEAD will not keep those lids open. inner dialogue: “well. he just went to sleep so surely i can pull of a successful transfer.” NO. his nap was officially single digit minutes and that’s just how it was going to be. now you know the rest of the day is sooooo promising with single digit minutes nap!
later in the day – here’s where it gets really fun – lindsey, parker, and i head out for a few more errands. starting with the post office. somehow my set of keys has gone missing so i have the “valet key” if you will. basically, it’s just a key, without that whole remote open/closer/panic button attachment (is that called a key fob? i find “key fob” to be so pretentious. i’m not sure what it is about that word. but i don’t like to say it.). i run into the post office to mail a few packages and upon returning have lindsey unlock the car from the inside. mistake. the car alarm starts going off and i have no idea how to make it stop without the remote. (it’s happened before, but the remote thing is how i’ve always stopped it.) the car will still start, drive, do everything a car should do but with the alarm blaring BEEP BEEP BEEP the entire way. can you imagine this? seriously. just imagine a minivan driving down the road with the alarm going off the entire time. it sounds like a blast, no? like a police siren but… with less of a job to do and a lot more humiliation. to make matters worse, my neighbor who i don’t know tooooo well is inside the post office and only moments before i was all “howdy neighbor!” to him. and you and i both know they can all hear it from inside the post office and that they also know who’s responsible since i just walked out. i pull the fastest u-turn of my life and drive away from the post office, alarm blaring the whole way. waking napping babies across town, dogs barking, pissing people off. i rip the manual out of the glove compartment and leaf through it. ALARM, THEFT, SECURITY. WHAT TO LOOK UP. nothing. after two minutes, it miraculously goes off by itself. lindsey and i breathe a sigh of relief, parker’s in the back a bit stunned. we come to our next stop. lindsey and i look at each other, brace ourselves, and open the doors. again… ALARM. shriveling up and dying would’ve been more preferable at the time.
basically, all in all lindsey and i counted three different times of alarm blar-age in a span of ten minutes. that’s approximately six minutes of car alarm-ing (making up a lot of words today). in various parking lots across town. never felt so cool in my whole, whole life.
(and p.s. NOW i know how to stop it even without the “key fobbbbbb.” gross.)
(did you read all of this? wasn’t it a doozy?)
(oh! and the chimay. to be reserved for a day like this one.)
Ahhh, that's the worst! I hate when the alarm goes off for even a second and I can't figure it out. Somehow it always seems louder and more obnoxious when it's your alarm too. I'm glad you've sufficiently recovered 🙂
I always thought it would stop when you put the key in the ignition… but I don't really know. Hmm. Paul has to use the valet key for my car because I lost his in the North Fork of the Flathead River in Glacier National Park several years ago. Let's just say there's a happy fish with a shiny bauble out there. We still have his puncher, though, because he hates carrying it. He's a key minimalist.
And I call it a "puncher". I'm pretty sure it's a "fob", though. Stupid word, I agree.
Sorry your day sucked. Hope you've had better since then!!
you would think. i mean, if it's meant to deter burglars, shouldn't it go off once the key's put in? doesn't proper key typically mean, "ah! the owner is here. we can stop making noise now."
nope. kept going.
i'm sort of a key minimalist, so… i get you, paul.
Bwahaha! I can just imagine you driving around with your alarm going off! I don't think I've ever heard of that happening before. As I read that I was like, "What the freak? Who does that even happen to?"
I'm glad you recovered from that day!
So, how did you get it off? Driving with the valet key. 🙂 Lost mine somewhere last week. I have been having nightmares that this will happen…what to do, what to do!!!
well, apparently it just goes off after two minutes (you know… the car-snatcher is sufficiently on their way at that point so what's the use in its continuing to blare!) — but if you unlock/lock the car using the valet key from the outside, i think that also turns it off! good luck 🙂
Ah!!! Yesterday was cursed! I had a horrible day too. Some friends came over to visit and stayed during Axel's entire morning nap. I enjoy friends! But two toddlers making a mess and some of my best work time gone? And then. Olivia "refused" to nap. But I should have checked on her, instead I let her play in her crib. She called for me, but I thought she just wanted to get up early. She removed her diaper and smeared the contents EVERY WHERE. Clean up took me the remainder of the day.
i can be pretty selfish with nap time too. i completely understand! and nooooo to poop painting!!!
OMG, I just died laughing reading this…sorry but I did! That sure was a doozy of a day. I can.not.imagine driving around with the alarm going off like that,not fun! Oh and yes, I have so been there when the toddler falls asleep in like the 5 minute drive home and I am all "WAKE UP" back there because this single digit nap thing is so not happening. Those are some rough days when that happens. Hope the Chimay helped, looks delicious, even at this time of the morning, ha!!!
i don't blame you. it was hilarious… in retrospect.
Ooooo, this had me rolling. Those days. So laugh-worthy in hindsight – when they happened to someone else.
I hope that the subsequent days have been glorious to make up for that doozy.
-Amy
oh my god, too much. that sounds heeeiinous!!
I've had that happen twice! Both times in the elementary school parking lot surrounded by fellow parents and teachers. And small children. Having 100 people stare at you like you're an alien (or carjacker) never gets more comfortable. I never did figure out how to stop it. Oof. What a day.
NO.
HAHA this has happened to my grandfather and I and I was mortified. He just went on with his driving as if nothing was happening, so him. Didn't care at all. That actually made it even funnier.
Sounds like a scene right out of Parenthood!!! The writers should contact you 🙂
bring it. i got more where this came from 🙂
I always call it a "clicky thingy". My car won't start (alarm kills the engine) when it's going off — so that totally could have been worse.
Erin's post above is hilarious! This would have unnerved me! I would have been sweating bullets!!! Here's to a better day today!
I always manage to set my husband's alarm off and he gets so annoyed. I am convinced car alarms are utterly useless. 1. It will not deter a burglar who spies something of value inside 2. Don't most people just turn it off without actually looking to see if there car is in trouble?
Oh nooo! That sucks! Funny image though… Haha. Sorry. 😛
I, too, hate the word "fob". My husband and I once had a hilarious (to us, anyway) texting exchange back and forth for as long as we could keep it going, inserting the word "fob" in place of another F word. 😉
I thoroughly enjoyed giggling my way through this post as my toddler refuses to nap as I type! Yay for real life and days like this that make you appreciate the calm(er) ones.
That sounds awful! Ugh, we all have those days. At least I do.
I think you have to use the key itself to unlock the door from the outside and that turns off the alarm. At least, that is how my husband's old car worked. Use the key in the driver's door to relock and then unlock, cross your fingers, say a prayer and try again!
YES. i did figure that out… after it had already gone off several times 😐
In college I did an internship at an elementary school. I borrowed the car from my roommate (who had previously told me 'I don't even think the alarm works.') Of course the alarm started blasting in the parking lot of my internship and I had no idea what to do. It alarmed all the way back to my dorm … Mortifying.
Totally laughed out loud at my desk for this one. My boss had no idea what was going on. Yes, TOTAL DOOZY. You need chimay AND a bubble bath after a day like that.
Totally laughed out loud at my desk for this one. My boss had no idea what was going on. Yes, TOTAL DOOZY. You need chimay AND a bubble bath after a day like that.
This had me laughing at my computer screen! Just had to comment to say I love your writing style. Hiliarious! Sorry for the doozy of a day. Hope the week is going better 🙂
Come to think of it, I would have no idea how to turn off my car alarm if I didn't have the remote either. I better read my manual, just in case!
Okay, I've read this twice now, and LOLed both times. Cars, just tryna keep us humble.