summer’s had its best of us hunts. and we’ve had the best of it. we’ve savored it and spit it out. whatever that means. i sometimes have too great an affection for alliteration to use it appropriately (and look at that! twice so far!). but who cares?! it’s alliteration!
here i sit at my mom and dad’s house while a very toddlery toddler naps in the room next to me. on becoming two: i have seen the tantrums arise in the last few months and there were definitely growing pains in it for me, the ever reminiscent mom. are all moms this way? do they all clutch the past as tightly as i do? i see some welcome each milestone so contentedly and i wonder, “why can’t i do that?” i know that change has always been hard for me. and not that this is especially hard but there is a definite sadness to his turning two. i can’t pinpoint exactly why but it’s there. the growing up and growing away hurts me a bit. i wonder, “should i be staying in for this nap because he may never fall asleep on me like this again?” i want to celebrate the little milestones and i could say, “oh but i am!” though, i think i’d be lying. i’d like him to stay little for a little while longer. not all mothers savor the newborn days. i don’t blame them. the sleeplessness and wondering what’s wrong without any ability to communicate with those creatures was hard, no doubt about it. but i mean it when i say i’d repeat zero (including labor!) to, oh, eighteen months again with that guy. but alas, we don’t get to do that and the beat goes on. this is sweet too, the hugs and the kisses and the laughter. but the dramatic throwing of oneself on the ground amidst all mom and dad’s failed attempts at happiness (water? a toy? are you hungry? poopy diaper?) is hard. is it hard on you too? i think there’s more to it here, too. i think i worry about adding another, want to add another, should i add another, i wish i’d already added another. all of the above in the very same breath. i’m hard on myself. it’s mostly silly. i need some zen.
so, summer. while viewed through my instagram account it sure looks picture perfect, it has had its moments! i always need to give that reality check lest anyone think otherwise. parenting has kicked our butts a bit this summer (mostly steve’s for sure – and the man deserves at least ten three-hour long massages before returning to work in a few weeks). we’ve got such spread out ages, as you well know, so we’re straddling many worlds. it’d do steve and i a world of good to take things less personally, particularly with the ages that know better. and i know i’m being terribly vague but it just has to do. parenting is hard. parenting is hard. to the parents out there, fist pump. and, you older and wiser folks with the sagest of wisdom in all ways parenting, do share your best advice. 🙂
ever the optimist (i’m not sure that i am though?) i must say that summer’s had its share of beauty. if you can just breathe out what’s stressing you and enjoy it, it’s there. it’s all there. i have successfully done that many times. and i remind others to enjoy it too. i’m always doing that. “william! lindsey! do you see this? do you really see how beautiful this is??? god made this!!” i am always pointing it out, ensuring that they’re grasping what it is they’re seeing, the good life. i need to make sure i too am taking it all in.
anyway, here we remain at the shore. there’s been a beach day, one that extended long into the evening with some pizzas and beers (my favorite kind. 85% of the people leave and you’re left with a setting sun, a low tide, and quiet. until the seagulls come determined to pluck the cheese right off your pizza.). we haven’t yet done ice cream, but i plan to pick some fancy flavor at springer’s in stone harbor before our time is up here. kahlua kommotion used to be my favorite but i do believe they’ve retired that one. and steve and i are going to try to sneak out for a date at some point. despite the fact that he’s been around all summer, i feel like time where we’ve actually looked each other in the eyes and said, “how are you doing, dear one?” has been scarce. isn’t that the way of it. we’re pulled in every which direction and often opposite ones. i’m reminded of this quote by mary jean irion: {normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. let me hold you while i may, for it may not always be so. one day i shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.} that quote. i tell you what, tears practically spring to my eyes every time i read it. and while i don’t want such pressure to enjoy enjoy enjoy every moment – there is something to be said for it.
so, summer vacationing. the good and the bad. it feels good to write. i haven’t used this space for that in awhile. the running around hasn’t allowed for it, it’s hardly allowed my brain space to think. i may be many things, but english major will always be one of them. the writing bit was always my favorite part. and while it’s nearly as cathartic to let it fall on deaf ears, it’s nice to know you folks are out there reading. so thanks, as always. and really, i hope your summers have been grand. even if they weren’t full of trips to any place but your backyard kiddie pool or your local zoo. it’s in the little things, oh is it ever.
While the super hot days have not always been fun, the summer overall has been. Saw two friends get married, went on my first cruise and all kinds of other good news. One more month or so to enjoy wearing my skirts and dresses before the fall starts.
You are an amazing mom and wife. I don't think most of us can even begin to understand what you go through in the day to day with your beautiful big family. I think you are wonderful and strong and you are doing a good job Bridge. Thanks for keeping it real and not pretending everything is perfect all of the time. love this post.
love you.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for your vulnerability. Being a parent has its ups and downs… one of the ups is the cute pictures at every turn! Awesome for the old Instagram and blog, but the "downs" (can you call it that even though you LOVE being a mother– I use the word "you" but really mean I)– the downs can be hard. Like right now its a perfectly gorgeous day and the husband is out of town and my sister is at the lake living it up like the non-mother that she is and I'm sitting at home with my 9 month old wondering where our summer went… anyway, I'm rambling, but I just wanted to say thanks. I completely relate to your post. Thanks for writing it.
and then the pressure to soak it all up because well, it's a beautiful day and blah blah blah! it's too much sometimes. hope you make some fun memories before summer is out 🙂
I think all of us moms struggle with holding onto past stages while embracing new ones… My son just turned 3 and 2 had its good share of fits but looking back it sure was fun too 🙂 And on adding another, we had my daughter last year, when my son was 2 yrs 3 mos., and THAT has been an adjustment. Everyone is telling me that 3 years between kids is easier. Planning on trying that next time 🙂 Enjoyed reading, as always.
what a great quote! thanks so much for sharing so honestly. I took struggle with the letting go and embracing the change. It's even harder with little ones…watching them grow and become more independent. Glad I'm not the only one out there that has a difficult time with this. (also…I agree with TheThinkingMom…three years is an easier age difference!)
so well said, and i feel your spirit in here. solidarity! encouragement!
i must say, i do like when you write a lot, bridget! that quote is simply beautiful. tears understood!
i liked this bit especially: "i must say that summer's had its share of beauty. if you can just breathe out what's stressing you and enjoy it, it's there. it's all there." the inspiration i get from fellow bloggers like you is what i continue to blog, and i'm so grateful for it.
have a lovely time at the shore and here's hoping you and steve get that date night 🙂
we WILL get that date night. thanks christy 🙂
Thank you so much for this post. Your second paragraph had me nodding like a bobblehead – my oldest turns three this week and we just had our second 12 days ago. I have spent most of my days alternating between trying to soak it all in and sobbing because it's all going so fast (ask my husband – I'm a joy to be around right now). I have a hard time with change, too, and the juxtaposition of the toddler and the newborn have done nothing but remind me of exactly how much and how fast they change. Love your words and hope you have a great time at the shore!
oh my word, kristin. that is hard. i'd be right there with you – happy / tears / happy / tears. feel it all!
i think summer is fun in the beginning, you have all these ideas of how you want it to go, things you will do, things you will share and all the lovely experiences of having so many days together. days without a real rhythm, naps that should take place in a crib but take place in a car, or a stroller, or a shoulder. ice cream in the early afternoon, days in the backyard, day trips to local destinations, week long trips to far away destinations. as the mom and in your case also the dad, the pressure lies on you two, you have been dutifully appointed to the position of the suppliers of fun. sounds like an awesome job, right? h-e-l-l no. it's hard, really really hard. especially with such a wide variety of ages and also having your husband home with you, where you want to connect with him, but there is no time and when there is time, you are exhausted. your job is not easy my sister, it's very, very hard. it's ok to say so, it's ok to say you can't wait for the school year to start, because there is a flow to your day, your toddler naps at home and on a schedule, which makes him happier, less prone to temper tantrums. your older children are away from you for long enough that they aren't constantly annoyed with everything you say. your husband comes home from work and you get to hug him and kiss him when he walks in the door. you're in the home stretch, it's almost there and you made it through summer. the funny thing about these summer's is you always forget the hard parts. your instagram that looks beautiful and fun and perfect, is the way you will most likely remember it in a dozen or so years. because life is so imperfect and perfect at the exact same time, the two dance together always and that is what makes it oh so lovely to have this life, the balance of the two. keep doing things the exact way you are, because it's perfect. imperfectly perfect. and the older kids will judge your parenting skills in a dozen or so years, when they finally enter the right mind to do so. then they will carry all the lessons learned to their very own little families. and the cycle of parenting continues. you're a good mom (i know you know that) and you should have more children, now, next week or in a few years, because your kid will share all the lovely wisdom you teach and preach and live and will make the next generation better than this one.
longest comment ever……
longest but best. thanks so much for this amanda. i loved it. and you're right — years later you do remember all the perfect parts and the imperfect fades away. thanks for relating to me and sharing through this comment – i can tell you get it too!
I love reading your writing. 🙂
Comment 1: I love your example of being human and being a mom and trying to appreciate everything and take it all in and doubting yourself but staying encouraged…. and all of that. I just like you. 🙂
Comment 2: I've been battling the same battle this summer of trying to enjoy every moment and not wish the time away… I'm right in the middle of my master's program, and this summer, by design, is HARD. I had a LOT of hard work to do, a lot of work, a lot of class, a lot of exams… and I don't really get a break…but we've also had lots of fun and made lots of memories. It's a tough line to walk even though sometimes I feel silly that it's so hard to find that balance.
Bee-uu-tii-fulll.
I loved you, Bridget. But man this made me love you more. 🙂 That quote? Going on my favorite list and I'm pretty sure I got all misty-eyed when I read it. I am such a lover of the everyday, but such a big dreamer for the future. It's my nemesis, actually. And thanks for keeping it real. You are a breath of fresh air in the blogging world and it encourages me in the best kind of way.
And as to writing…
Totally there with you right now. I decided today that if I wait to get all the things I *should* do before I sit down and begin writing, than it will never happen. So many jumbled thoughts I want to get in words, but where is the time?
I remember you saying you wanted to write a book. Do it, please!
I tentatively started one and I think the journey would be a heck of a lot better if you did it too. 🙂
Just saying.
There goes the longest comment I've ever written on record….
Hi Bridget – Let me know if you are ever in Boston and want to meet up for a play date, coffee or drink! It would be fun to swap stories xx
PS – I am Kate's college friend in case you didn't make the connection!
So understand the letting go at each stage of childhood, it never gets any easier. Memories to cherish are so very precious and photos to go with them a real treasure.
thank you, as always, for sharing such real stuff with us. it's hard not to get caught up in everyone's beautiful blog and instagram posts sometimes. hard to remember that all those beautiful pictures come from real people, with real lives, who are trying to figure it all out as well. you are always such an inspiration, thank you for being that reminder that we can live happy, beautiful lives while still trying to get through the challenges of the everyday.
I have a 20month old little boy and man do I feel ya on the toddler stuff and not wanting to let go of this stage. The delicious, funny moments with him are just too good!
Parenting is HARD! Just keep doing what you are doing and remember to breathe!
thanks for always keeping it real, lady. time just keeps flying by and it's not always perfect. keep embracing those little moments!
Hello, I have a quick question for you. For a while you had a sponsor who was a gal married to a marine and living in Okinawa and I think they are having a baby. Can you remind me of the blog name/website? I'd appreciate it! Love reading your blog.
Thanks!
yes!! marshalls abroad blog! here you go: http://www.marshallsabroad.com/
Parenting is hard! My husband is gone for 5 weeks leaving me with a 3 month old baby, pregnant and 2 dogs….. normal is what I want right now *Sigh* at the end of the day its all worth it though 😉
dude, that's no joke. best of luck to you bailey!!!!! sending you love!
Oh that quote is probably my very favorite. It does give me a bit of anxiety, but I'd still rather live with that pressure than look back and realize I let so many good times pass me by without notice. You have to soak up all that your summer can offer you since you have that unique opportunity of having Steve home, but I assume that you both feel so ragged too (he especially, like you mentioned:) You are making the BEST of it though and that's awesome!!! (ps- I hope my insta comment didn't make you feel bad! I'm so sorry if it did. I am sarcastic, especially with those I am friends with, and you know, since we met and all, we are friends now, so I figured it was safe ground:) I definitely know that there are pros and cons to all situations, and hope you didn't feel like you needed to explain anything to me. xoxo
reading your writing feels like sitting across from you in a cafe, coffee mug warm in hand, and talking it out with a dear, dear friend.
can't wait to actually DO that soon….
dear bridget, i'm having my second baby in just over a month and i was wondering if you would raise her from zero to 18 months and then pass her back over here? thanks. i love the growing up and moving on that babies do! it makes me feel guilty, though! oh, i do love the sweet baby moments, but the growing and learning and turning into a person just a-mazes me (my other kid is almost 3).
any way you toss it, parenting is hard. i'm always impressed with you starting the parenthood thing in the middle instead of the beginning! it is probably harder than i can imagine. 😉 xxoo
give that second baby over! i'd be happy to 🙂
best of luck with the new baby – and the toddler! wishing you lots of peace and joy and SLEEP!
and thanks for the comment!!
I have a 26 month old daughter and a 4 month old son. It's less sad to watch your toddler grow up when you have another child and know you'll be doing it all again. I think it will be hard when we have our last child (hopefully #3 down the road???) and I know for sure that it is the last time I will ever have a child at that age or stage.
What a beautiful beautiful quote. I had never heard that.
<3
Jessa
I enjoy you. 🙂
i am the same way about savoring and holding on to the past and being sentimental! i have always felt like other people don't feel as strongly about it as i do, too, so yay, someone else who does! i loved LOVED the newborn stuff, personally, and i think that's because i am just all too aware that everything is a season, and such a short one at that! but i love where we are now, too 🙂 and alliteration! love that too.