now that is a drastic title is it not?! especially as i sit here on my beloved mac writing a blog post that heavily relies on technology to get its message out to the masses! hypocrisy! moving on. so, my dad is not a real heavy facebook-user. he has a name, but i’m not sure i’ve ever seen him post and i’m not sure that he gets the hang of how to even do it. status? wall? friends? what is this new fangled mumbo jumbo?!? in fact, several months ago now, i kept seeing facebook notifications that he was friends with all of these people that he most definitely did not know. people that i barely know from college. i can only imagine that some of these people were common to both steve and i and thus popped up in his “people you may know” feed and so, well, of course! friend. friend. click. click. friend. click. friend. steve and i died laughing when we realized this, imagining him sitting at the computer looking over the bridge of his nose, through his smudgy readers, grimacing as he tried to figure the whole thing out. and the number of times he’s gotten me on the phone to explain this or that, always computer-related, well, i can’t count them at this point. there’s some saying about an old dog and new tricks? 😉 recently he came out of his facebook hibernation to post on our cousin’s wall for her birthday (hi laura!). the post read as follows:
Laura,
Only the 2nd.FB entry from me.
HAPPY B”DAY
Lv, Unc. DEN
first things first, is he paying by the letter? did facebook start charging us per letter and nobody told me?????? no and no. he’s just… well… he’s my dad. he’s that mid-60s guy who didn’t grow up with computers and the internet. he grew up with a paintbrush in one hand and a screwdriver in the other listening to beatles and bob dylan records even though his dad, the philly cop, told him not to because those hoodlums, especially the beatles, were solely responsible for drugs coming over to america (true story). the man can build a house from the ground up (he seriously can. he amazes me with his blue-collar abilities.) but a simple facebook message? (or navigating his way to his daughter’s blog??) well that, that’s tricky now… no, his childhood was marked by frequent trips to pennypack park in pennsylvania (alliteration!), its creeks and railroads his backyard. he played pranks on his friends, smoked cigarettes before he knew they were bad for you, and was just generally mischievous. a good healthy mischievous. it was, you know, an internet-less world. these sorts of things had more time to grow!
it got me thinking. thinking about how freaking addicted we are to screens. how his day wouldn’t look a whole lot different whether he was in front of one or whether he wasn’t. how if their computer up and vanished, it’d at least be several hours before they noticed. how this was his “2nd.FB entry” ever and yet he’s been on facebook for at least a year now. i envy him!
screens, screen time, computers, internet, wii, video games. oh man, oh man, oh man!!!! i could write about ten million blog posts about this. steve and i wringing our hands with the state of the world practically every third night while lindsey asks for an ipod touch and tells us how all (i do believe she exaggerates a bit) of her friends have one (and they have instagram too. um! fifth grade!). how we have talked ad nauseum in our house about computers and addiction and how it’s ruining the world. how steve has actually counted how many kids he sees waiting for a table at cheesecake factory looking at their phone instead of talking to whomever they’re with. how, no matter how “right” or “wrong” we’re doing it as parents, they’re going to be heavily influenced by their friends who’ve grown up completely differently (that commune is lookin’ good these days!). how toddlers who barely know three words can maneuver their way onto ipads, open apps, and settle into the game they wanted (in fact, said toddler could teach my dad a thing or two…). i could go on. like i said, ten million blog posts on. but i won’t. you get the point.
for the most part, our kids are preeeetty okay with how antiquated we are. they’re like, “yeah, you guys suck, but it’s a losing battle.” i mean, for the most part. they definitely try to chip away at our stony we-hate-technology facade but steve and i are a terribly united front. there is no backing down! (that’s not true. after much nagging from jordan, we finally succumbed to a wii a few years ago.) but, i’d just like to ask, what are we doing as a culture? i know, this is a huge question. one that’s not gonna get answered today, tomorrow, ever? but that whole history repeats itself thing?? are we going to fight back against this? are we going to realize, “oh, hey! our generation actually no longer knows how to communicate, no longer knows how to be bored, no longer knows how to read a book. so, let’s scale it back on the iphones shall we? let’s say no to our kids’ technological wants!” steve’s been teaching at the college level for sixteen years now and he tells me that he has seen a serious drop in both papers and tests. like a serious drop. the same prompts, the same tests, the same material. but the grades have gone down, the quality’s gone down. it’s like we are so used to multi-tasking (did anyone like my status yet? any new emails? how many instagram likes?!) that we literally cannot focus on one thing anymore. so studying for a test? um, what’s that?
i’m not sure what the answer is. i certainly do not have it down but am constantly, constantly, constantly fighting my own desires to check my email, scroll through instagram, read a blog post. “parker’s occupied! i’ll just hop on real quick!” there are times where i want to throw my phone out the window and slap myself across the face. hard. sometimes i make a promise to myself: “i will not check my email for the next three hours.” oh, but wait! just once!
i hate it.
here’s what i did for a little while and i quite liked it. after parker woke from his nap, i’d actually turn off my computer. it was nice, because i’m way less apt to do something “real quick!” if it’s actually off. and i can be pretty good at putting the phone down and just leaving it far from where i am. (and i can be pretty bad at it too.) i get a little sick when i think i’m missing out on real life because i’m staring at a screen. i can’t let myself do it, but do i come close sometimes? yeah.
with the big kids, we give them thirty minutes of “screen time” a day. they have their own username on our computer and it logs them off after thirty minutes. they can do, pretty much, whatever they want with that time. it’s usually some silly game. and they’re remarkably cool about it logging them off. sometimes they get on the wii (but, didn’t you just say…?). yeah, the thirty minutes sometimes turns into sixty because the wii is on the third floor and i don’t always know what they’re doing up there. but i do usually call up to find out what’s going on when they’ve mysteriously vanished, and i’ll give them a limit for that too. but they don’t go on wii all the time (we don’t have that many games). plus, if you recall, we don’t have tv. so for the most part, that thirty minutes is all they get. except for friday movie nights of course! (jordan’s not a part of this–he has his own purchased-by-him computer, he’s 18, etc. etc. we certainly are not giving a thumbs up to the amount of time he spends on it, but at some point, what can you do?) sometimes i worry that our focus on how bad and addictive the computer games are will make them only want them more (it’s a slippery slope, my friends!), but when i see how they mosey about filling their time with something else pretty easily instead of lurching about on the kitchen floor chanting, “more time, more time, more time!” i’m confident that it’s better to err on the less is more side (and i do believe they may thank us for saving them from themselves one day. wishful thinking?). i’m sure this will change as they get older. but for now, this seems to be working. (and for parker, i’d say he watches one show, usually blues clues, maybe two to three times a week?)
we certainly don’t have it down, believe me. and throughout the day, it’s just me and parker. it’s not like i’m needing to go put down a baby for a nap and keep my toddler occupied. i get that tv/ipads make that task monumentally easier. i hope i’m not eating my anti-technology words if that day ever comes!
right now, much of steve’s work requires that he look at a computer screen. same with me (i use the term work loosely here. blogging is fun. but for the sake of the argument, we’ll call it “work.”). it’s so easy to widdle away three hours on the computer in the blink of an eye. i definitely struggle with staying on task, not checking every social media medium there is, and simply sitting outside in the sun without my phone nearby… imagine that! it’s on my mind, it’s a work in progress. being aware of it, i guess, is step one.
so, judgements aside (seriously! i do noooot have my shit together so far be it for me to point a finger at you handing your toddler the ipad!) can we talk about this?? how do you handle screen time with your kids? do they have phones and ipads and such? are you addicted yourself? have you found a happy medium? how do you keep it under control??
phew. that was a wordy one.
That story about your dad cracked me up and reminded me of my grandparents. Neither one has a Facebook account, but my (12 year-old!) cousin always leaves himself logged on. One day my grandpa discovered it (my cousin's account), and now he's addicted. Whenever I go home, he's like I saw so and so wrote to you on Facebook about how cute Liam is.
Anyway, I hear you about walking a fine line with technology and kids. Every time Liam latches onto one of our old phones in the junk drawer, I start thinking, "Oh man, am I going to be the mom who lets my kid get a cell phone when he's eight." I really hope not.
Well. I loved this. Every word of it.
A few months ago I was crazy addicted to the technology. Checking my email ALL. THE. TIME. Instagram likes, twitter feed, you name it, I was checking it.
Then I was like, WHOA NELLY. Stop it. Just stop.
So I stopped using Facebook. Didn't deacctivate, just lost interest, really so it wasn't that hard.
And after work I would use the computer (twitter/blogging) until Zan got home and then I would walk away. Also, my phone. I would put it away for the night. But MAN! It was hard! Not so much the computer, but definitely my phone. Computer in my pocket!!!
I think I actually have found a happy medium recently. I don't blog as much for one, which is really okay with me (not losing readers, so that's good!). I still LOVE to blog, but one post takes me forever and a day, so I have to be realistic about it. As far as the phone goes I've realized the more I tweet and instagram the more I CHECK twitter and IG. It's that whole instant gratification thing. So, I'm posting less on that too (except for my recent Dawson's Creek craze, but that's over now. Geeesh. I really do sound like a hypocrite). For the most part I don't insta a lot during the week and then more on weekend, just because.
Also, still saying away from the comp at night most of the time (except now HAHA), but I do keep my phone near me because gosh darn it! I just can't help it.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, YES, I'm addicted, but a controlled addicted (at times), if you will.
Does that make any sense?
A lot to think about, definitely.
….aaaaand longest comment ever. Wow.
this is one of those things that really, really frightens me when I daydream about that point (likely years and years and years from now) when I (hopefully) have children. what's the technology situation going to be like then? how addicted will people be to their phones and computers and everything else? it's amazing to me to think about what all has changed over the course of my life so far. my memory's a big foggy (hello, I was little!), but I feel like my brother and I were allowed to watch quite a bit of TV. but then again, this was in the time before video games and computers really took off. AND television was better then – I would watch Magic School Bus and Bill Nye every day after school. now I feel like all this advancement in technology is discouraging imagination. there's less of an emphasis on learning to entertain yourself and also a greater focus on instant gratification. it's just crazy. and I'm afraid the world is changing in horrible ways.
I LOVE what you guys are doing with limited screen time. It's a discussion we have often in our house as we plan for having kids. I just think it's important for kids to appreciate things other than technology. Some of my best memories as a kid were in our backyard or on a camping trip, and I want the same for our kids!
First, seriously busting up about your dad. It reminds me a lot of texts from my dad. I have to guess what most words were supposed to be! 🙂
I hide the iPad in my room all day because if Olivia (2 yrs) even sees it, that's all she can talk about all day! She forgets her toys and she just keeps asking for her favorite apps. I hate it. I remember as kids my friends had nintendos and we did not. My brothers and I felt so left out, we were so behind the times. Instead we made our own video games with couch cushions all around the house. Looking back, I know that was like 100 times more fun than actually playing them. I'm sure my mom was smiling inside.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. . . Can't wait to read the other comments.
My 9 year old wanted an iPad SO BAD for Christmas last year, but I just don't think a 9 year old should be responsible for something so expensive, whether it's electronic or not. She doesn't have a facebook or instagram or anything either, but I have considered making her a Pinterest account so she can dig up craft projects she wants to do. I limit their daily time to 30 minutes on weeknights if their homework is done and dinner is over, and 1 hour on weekends AFTER they've played outside to their hearts content. Not that I've never been exhausted and outnumbered {I'm a single mom with two little kids} and just turned the TV on and basically let them go for it so I could catch a break for an hour or two, but I do my best. We all do.
Yeah, I love everything you are saying here. I can easily spend so much time online and even though I love blogs, blog myself, I like social media and so on and so forth, a lot of me just hates it all. Maybe hate is a strong word? It's insane to me how much has changed JUST in my lifetime. And sometimes, I wonder if things were more real before there was all of this! Something to think about for sure. I like what you say about your dad, and I think about that as well – my mom as a young mother raising me without the computer nearby, taking photos of me without the need to instagram them… just doing things because not doing them for another purpose!
ha ha, the slap part had me laughing out loud because who does not appreciate a little physical comedy? but also, yes, I feel a little like this except that I don't reeeally try to stop myself so it doesn't come to that.
with the kids it is really fine so far — the teen isn't too fussed, he does use social media but he's sport crazy, and the kiddo could not be less interested in computers — he thinks they're for boring old people and he would rather draw all day (although the TV on the other hand, he loves that).
no, in our house it is def the mr and I who have the problems but it is his job (and now kinda mine) so where does that leave us? with something to think about I guess.
I've never commented before, but this is so relevant to our lives right now! Hubs and I are both students and our son is 15 months old. Right now, we're on our computers almost all day at classes and then most of the evening doing homework/studying because EVERYTHING for school is online now. Books? What are those?
I am always worrying about what our being in front of a screen all the time is doing to our little guy.
When I get home I try to not look at my computer or phone until I put him to bed, but it's hard! With sun and warm weather, I hope it will be easier. And next year this time, I'll be done with school.
One thing I'm all about technology for…facetime. My family lives far away, but my son still knows their faces and voices and welcomes them with lots of slobbery kisses because we facetime almost daily.
this weighs heavily on my mind too. i hate when i notice that my hubby and i are both zoned out on our iPhones for an entire dinner with our son (15 m old) sitting their watching us. it makes me feel sick to my stomach. he doesn't get any screen time (partially because he's not interested anyway), and we don't let him play with our phones, but it's my example that i'm more worried about.
and how sad that i am literally thinking about this issue every single day multiple times and yet often i'm still not disciplined enough to just put.the.phone.down. we were out of cell phone reception for about 4 days last week and it was wonderful. i didn't even miss it. and on the drive home my husband and i talked a lot about how we didn't miss it, and maybe we should just go without iphones. but then we get home and go back to being iphone zombies, it's horrible! and now i'm rambling on so i'll stop but, man, i'm glad i'm not the only one despairing about this issue!
Whitney
Life Alaskan StyleÂ
I don't yet have a kid old enough to want lots of technology. We have already said no video games but aren't against letting our three year old play on the iPad or our phones.
You are one smart cookie about limiting screen time. I have a tweeny cousin who was spending ridiculous amounts of time on Facebook and wound up getting himself in some pretty huge (huge = expelled from school) trouble.
I cut technology out a bit at the begining of the year in order to make room for more real life stuff that was related to some 2013 goals. It's been amazing. Social networking, blogging, Internet everything, etc… I think it's all a bit overrated.
I love every single one of your blog posts. You are an amazing writer and I admire you a lot for that and aspire to be able to write the way you do one day. I get the technology thing. I'm probably a little too addicted. I spend a lot of my time on the computer, especially being in college, having my own laptop, and having no one around to tell me that it's time to get off, ya know? I definitely would like that to change though. It's crazy how much life has changed. I remember my childhood and how we'd get on the computer to get on the internet for like 30 minutes and that happened like once a month and it was a golden time when it did. We'd play outside in our treehouse instead or make leaf piles and jump around in them with the next door neighbors. But now my little six year-old sister (granted, she's the youngest by a lot–the next oldest sibling is 7 years her senior) spends her time on the computer, navigating the internet better than most people over 60. It's a different age, and I hope that us people who grew up for a time without internet can change it before it gets too late and there are no generations left that even remember a life without technology.
I so agree! Mine are still super young, 3 and 1 1/2, but already we try to limit how much "screen" time they have. If it's nasty outside, we'll watch a movie, but otherwise I try to keep it off. They don't play with the kindle. I just don't want them getting used to it and becoming obsessed with it at such a young age. We have a paint game that I put on there for them when one was sick, but that's it. They don't even play it once a week, maybe once a month and when I get tired of going back to the paint game (5 min, max) it gets turned off. I need to get better about limiting my time online though. I don't even have text on my phone so it's just the computer. Just something I need to focus on more.
Okay, I love your blog and have been following for quite a while now, and this post cracked me up! Mainly because if my dad were still alive he'd be 67 now and I imagine he'd have a FB page similar to your Dad's. In fact, during the last few years he was alive he started signing handwritten notes and cards to us as: love "dad"…leaving us all wondering "um, are you not our real father? what's up with the quotes?!" It's something my siblings and I still crack up about! Anywho, for whatever reason, this post just made my day!
gosh you guys are seriously stone aging it. 😉 im impressed though. It is something i would like to say i will do in my own child filled home one day. Thinking back, i wish i was more restricted with the comp, I could have avoided a lot of tragedy as a teenager with that dang aol. My parents were VERY lenient with the computer and tv watching (ha…my addictions all make sense now). But i mean, i grew up in a family where my dad wrote tv shows, would seem a little weird if we werent allowed to watch tv? the comp is another thing though. i should have been monitered more closely. I had my own pretty mac (the big ones with the blue back) at age 13. set in the dining room. away from everyone. it was too soon. I don't see myself being a super tv restrictive parent…i just dont. but i am going to try my best to keep the gadgets to a minimum for as long as i possibly can because it hurts my heart when i look across the way at a restaurant and i see an ENTIRE family (mom, dad, teenager and little child all on their own little phones of some sort). I have seen that too much and it makes me super sad.
i haven't even given birth yet and i'm already worried about this! i do feel like i spend too much time checking email, instagram, etc. i've tried to set myself boundaries (like turning off my iphone and computer at 9 pm) and having it on airplane if i'm on a date with my husband. these things help, but still doesn't feel like enough!
I can totally relate to wanting to slap myself as well. I am mom to a almost 3-year old and a 7 week old (thus on maternity leave) so I find myself constantly multi tasking with technology. I am the opposite of you though, my phone is my enemy, my third arm, my lemme-run-downstairs-to-grab-it device. Just this week I made a resolution to only check my phone at certain times of the day instead of whenever there was a lull. I'm still working on it… 😉
Thanks for the great post though!
@anna, you're right. the more i do it, the easier it is to keep doing it. sometimes when i step away for awhile, the urge to check lessens.
@kaity, bill nye! magic school bus! (same here!)
@kimberly, you keep hiding that ipad! 🙂
@sarah, exactly. single mom of two (first of all – go you) and second… that is hard! you're outnumbered! i completely see the attraction in putting the tv on just for some quiet 'me' time.
@gillian, i don't think hate is too strong! it is definitely a love-hate for me!
@kristen, agreed on the facetime bit. parker and his cousin quinn have facetimed and my sister and i think it's great cause otherwise, they'd hardly know each other.
@abby, oh man. your cousin. yeah, i think there's very little good that can come from kids having unlimited (and unmonitored) time. i know that lindsey's friend who has instagram has already experienced a little bit of that bullying via the instagram comments from other classmates. it's ridiculous. remind me, WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO HAVE INSTAGRAM?
@kailee, thank you so much 🙂 and yes! back to the tree houses of our youth!!
@liss18, YOUR DAD! oh he cracks me up. that reminds me of one time when my dad wrote a card to my mom for mother's day – i think he thought he was being uber romantic but he wrote, "to my present wife" — we STILL have not let him forget it (and it was prob 12 years ago). your "dad" quoting himself. he sounds like a character. i bet you miss him.
so i obviously don't have kids–but i do have to parent myself in this category quite often! my own parents were really great about limiting my technology time growing up; i didn't have a cell phone until high school, and i didn't get texting until college. even still, i don't own an iphone (well, for another 2 weeks actually…ha!).
it's hard to find a happy medium as i get older, i've found. i guess the more it infiltrates society, the more i let it infiltrate my life. i invest wayyyy too many hours blogging and checking email. i'm trying to find a balance, though. i deleted my facebook a few months ago, which has really helped. thankfully, i'm not addicted to my twitter, and i try to limit my instagrams. i know once i get my iphone it'll be more difficult.
it's funny too, because i started reading when i was 3 and would read like 5 books at one time growing up–i was literally always reading. and now? i can't tell you the last time i actually read an entire book, just for pleasure/fun. maybe that's because i'm in college and constantly reading, but still. it's sad.
thanks for writing this! definitely needed it.
xo,
kristyn
while in nyc last year I was so taken with the fact that nearly everyone on the subway or walking on the streets had a phone in hand and was wearing headphones. I even remember commenting to molly about it. its strange to me to see that people just can't simply be. sometimes its okay to just be in your own thoughts and look around. see your surroundings. make eye contact…
OH my word! Someone FINALLY said it. I'm an architectural designer which means I'm on a computor 8hours a day minimum so I don't even want to see a computor when I get home- my personal laptop hasnt been switched on in 6 months! I HATE when people are glued to the ipad, computor etc. Don't you want to record a little tyranical lecture about this that I can play for my step mother inlaw- my husbands 7 year old (yup 7, thats another story) brother plays tv games ALL DAY, and has been known to skip school for it! seriously!! much high fiving and head shaking from me to you on this post!
I listen to music on my IPod all the time, mainly to drive out the noise of people on the T. Also when I get home from work, I usually park myself in front of a laptop, I'm ashamed to admit since I already spend 8 hrs in front of a computer at work but I do love long weekends with friends where we all just unplug for awhile. Or when we just get together and hang out with a little music and just actully talk to one another. It does the body good. So while in generally technology is awesome, the break is nice too. I'm also very glad social media was virtually non existant when I was in high school. I remember the days of AIM and meeting two people online when I was 16 who I am actually still friends with in person now.
I don't have kids so I can't speak to what life will be like with technology when I do but I appreciate my friends efforts in not turning their tvs into a babysitter. My niece is 3 and my sister says she watches Toy Story almost every night because my nieces asks for it over and over again. I personally think this is rediculous and a three year old should not be in that much control. But again with no kids to speak of myself I don't have a leg to stand on here and I realize that.
I loved this post! I totally agree with you on so many points you made. I have a 14 and 12 year old and they both have Iphones. I set a data block on it during the times I don't want them on it. I have access to all of their passwords. If we go to eat, all of our phones get left in the car or put in my purse. Like your toddler, my toddler knows how to work my iphone.
I don't know about your schools, but a lot of our schools are using SmartBoard technology along with providing Ipads and what not to be used during class. They barely have school books, but can afford ipads. What?!? I am fortunate that my daughter, the 14 year old, LOVES to read. She would much rather read an actual book than use a Kindle/Nook. My 12 year old son would rather be outside playing basketball or kick-the-can than on his PS3. My 3 year old would rather be out playing baseball or going to the park than watching tv. So we use it in moderation also. I do feel like sometimes I am addicted to my phone. But at the same time, I can put it down and not worry about it. I do like having it to take pictures.
my boyfriend's family gave him free reign of their computer when they got it in 1993 (DOS games, what up!). Once he was in high school he asked his mom to get him some computer programming books because he had made friends with some young guys in Sweden online who used PHP and CSS to make cool things! He self-taught himself to code, went to University and got a degree in computer science and an honours in business.
He also gives a lot of credit to his ability to think about working effectively and efficiently to his experience with video games – a lot of them ask you to manage many things at once and build a functioning society given a limited number of resources and time.
Now he works in the communications industry and uses his business acumen and coding knowledge to add a ton of efficiency to his organization. He also built a tool that scans certain data points about stocks and will highlight business that might be worth investing in!
Perhaps an anomaly but a situation like this may be common than most people think!
I love seeing old people try to post things to FB. Cracks me up, in a fun-loving way. 🙂 I don't think I'm too addicted. We don't have smart phones in my house. My husband has an iPod Touch, but we basically just use it like a regular iPod other than the occasional podcast or Pandora station. We do watch about 1-2 hours of TV at night on most nights. But I sit at a computer ALL DAY at work. It's my job. No way around it. And when I get home, checking email, Facebook, etc. is the very, very LAST thing I want to do! No idea how I'm going to handle this with kids as I'm sure they'll rebel against my old fashion ways and simplistic life (we also do not have cable [but we do have Netflix]). I guess we'll just take it one step at a time!
@alice, i love that your kids prefer to be outside/playing sports to their computers/phones. that's great (and i also love that you take the phones when you're out to eat!!).
@michelle, technology used for good – that's pretty cool that he learned all that and learned much of it via video games/computers. he sounds like more of an exception to the rule though! but maybe i am wrong!
I work full time so on the weekdays it's easy for me to stay away from the computer (at work now, kids are testing, I get a second to sit and breath!) But on the weekends, I found myself wanting to throw my phone out the window of our second story daily as I felt like I was on it all. the. time. So, I deleted all my "fun" apps. No Facebook, no Pinterest, etc…. except for Insta (and I keep that around so I can put my phone pics on it to keep my mom and dad in the know when it comes to the kid…) it's all gone. That way, like you said, I have to actually GET ON THE COMPUTER and dang does that take time – sit down, open computer, log on, get to site, browse.. all the while my kid is tearin up the house! So, weekdays AND weekends I'm internet "fun"-free until after 8PM or during nap time – when I also have a second to clean our house, do work I brought home and all the other things I can't do while chasing my 2 yr. old… I've found myself cheating on occasion but I really enjoy that I'm more into what is going on around me and not looking at my phone screen: what my girl is playing with, what I'm cooking/no longer burning for dinner… and I feel better about myself, my parenting, and my relationship with my husband. So, to each his own but dang the iphone for making things too convenient. I'm ok without for now.
I can relate. I'll be honest though, my 5 yo preschooler watches too much TV, but I gotta do what I gotta do as I'm also a nursing student and I need to study. Excuses, Excuses!! I do make a conscious effort that when we leave the house, I don't hand him my phone to play around on. Even if it would make my life easier, I think boredom can be a good thing. Gives their little mind time to think even if he's driving me crazy in the process waiting for a doctor's appointment or whatever. Same goes for myself, if I feel that compulsion to pull out my phone I tell myself NO. I think it looks so ridiculous when you walk into someplace and everyone's faces are engrossed in their cell phones. No one to even look at you and smile or say hello to each other. Good post.
Great post. The kind that keeps me coming back for more and fuels my addiction!! I have no phone, I don't do FB or Twitter or blog yet I'm still addicted to the computer—these darn blogs. I mostly detest that my kids witness me on it so much. We don't have a tv or anything electronic for them. They ask every day to be on the computer and I say yes, about twice a week and they go at it for an hour. They're still discovering the mighty screen so mostly they're on Google Earth. My son who adores hockey (not the Bruins. We're Canucks fans!) can't even watch the games because our internet is so slow. So he listens on the radio. Yes so quaint! Except that I know these quaint days are fleeting and I'll soon be facing more battles tech-wise. Firstly I need to battle my own bad habit. Oh and I hate how schools cram computers down kids throats. Bring back the books!! But our four kids read books and that may be our only success as parents but it's a great one.
PS. I think you and Steve are doing something revolutionary with your kids. Be bold, be strong, don't give in. Your kids brains will thank you later for it and the rest of society will too— once we realize how we're going downhill real fast because of teched-out kids.
Well on the one hand, I will almost always choose lying on the couch with a book over watching tv or fiddling on the computer, but here I am attempting to study for a test I have tomorrow and what am I doing? Checking in with all of my favorite blogs. I'd imagine that has something to do with the options at hand than requiring a screen. Somehow it seems more appropriate to stare at my computer than have a novel open on my desk while sitting here at work.
Suuuch a good post, Bridget! I absolutely echo every single sentiment. I wasn't able to get a phone until I was driving, and I think that's a fine rule. I could borrow a friend's if I needed a ride, and I had one myself when I was out on road alone. Even now, I still have a dumb phone – no smart phone. My husband and I feel that the internet on one's phone is only welcoming that little temptation to walk around in your pocket with you all day. Little much for us.
But we hope as parents to hold the same line that you and Steve do! Parental controls on computers are a huge huge help, and the auto-log-off sounds like the way to go. Stand your ground!
I have 9 and 10 (almost 11) year old girls. They both have iPod Touches. My older daughter has a Dell laptop and we just bought the younger daughter an iPad Mini for her birthday. We also have a Wii. After all that, it's probably no surprise that we also have TVs in the house, LOL. However, we have a no-electronics policy (ahem, for the kids) during the week. At their age, weekdays are consumed by after-school activities and homework. There just isn't much time for anything else, and I did not want them rushing through their homework to be able to play some video game or watch a show. But in our house, we work hard and play hard. Every Friday, the first thing my older daughter declares is, "Electronics!" They can play as much as they want for as long as they want … until Sunday, when we start the day-long process of homework, etc. 🙂
As for me, I have a You Tube problem; it has totally replaced TV for me. :0
Your dad and mine may be twins, separated from birth. My mom loves technology and so she keeps getting him new toys – eventually she's the one who uses them because he just…doesn't. Last week they got him a smartphone to help synchronize his computer to his phone for work reasons [blah blah blah], but I found it so ironic that he has trouble using the screen because his hands are so calloused. Why? Because he is always working so hard to *actually make stuff* with his hands.
I felt like your thoughts about technology mirror so many parents – we remember the days before computers, but our children won't. Do we roll with the times, fight it, or try to find a balance? I wish I knew the answer.
really interesting observation from Steve. seriously, how do kids stay focused these days? facebook was just getting started when I was leaving Gordon but I used to make fun of my darling roommate Falvo (aren't you two friends?) for having 25 AIM windows open while she was "studying." i think blogs are my downfall these days (here i am!), so I'm thankful I hadn't discovered blogland yet back then!
I just got so excited! I'm a descendent of the Pennypackers so you bringing up Penny Pack Park made me so happy!!! Loved this blog post! xoox
Bridget, I love this post! Last week I read a post by Holly Furtick on how the first seven minutes of a day set its tone. I usually spend the first seven minutes checking crap on my phone. Then the rest of the day I have the impulsive erge to check for "just a second". Anyway, I hate it. So I stopped checking first thing and the rest of the day it's easier to say no (to myself) too.
For my kiddos, my 3 year old son watches Mickey Mouse clubhouse when I get his 8 month old sister to sleep. I sort of hate that I need it but it keeps him safe and our of trouble, so what can you do? Before she was born we just watched movies if one of us was sick, & sports, for some reason those dont bother me as much. My husband is an IT Manager, so he spends lots of time on screens, but is somewhat onboard with limiting in at home too.
Anyway, enjoyed your post!
and here's my LONG comment: http://angiesboblog.blogspot.com/2013/04/on-good-old-mr-r-and-tv-kids-in-general.html
aaah haha…your dad. cute.
i agree! we do have a t.v., but no cable…& i like it that way. we grew up without watching t.v. and we played outside, used our imaginations…did things.
i get scared when moo sits on the ipad for too long..like…am I making a technology monster who will never be able to pull herself away from her phone etc? maybe i am…woops. hopefully not.
thanks for posting this! it's a good reminder to set aside all the tech stuff sometimes.
🙂 cheers.
ah, so close to home. what a great topic. this is one of the most frightening thing about being a parent, i think. commune here we come!
i read flickering pixels, i highly recommend it, in a book club my husband led before we were together. husband is basically against iphone, facebook, etc. but he has them for work… why do we live outside our ideals? why????? let's just stop, i say.
and i think 30 min screen time is great.
This is funny, and sadly, so true!
xo,
Katie
hellolittlebean.com
i'm LDS and in our most recent general conference a speaker talked about 'benign neglect'. i had been thinking and praying about this for awhile. i really do think i'm addicted to my phone. i tell everyone i don't want an iphone but my mom pays for it. i would LOVE a flip phone with no internet access! i try to leave my phone in another room while my 14 month old is awake and keep technology for naptimes. we don't let him watch TV and won't until he's 2 and he doesn't have any apps or anything to play with, so i feel like we're doing a good job with him. it's just me. i hate it, i hate it. i am seriously contemplating a non-internet phone.
I recently found your blog and I am a first time commenter, but I just want to say AMEN, sister. To it all.
I grew up with a strict 'no screen' policy. Instead of soaking up as much screens as we can get, my husband and I choose to have no t.v., no smart phones, and limit ourselves to 1 hour of internet spread throughout the day to read blogs/email. We facebook very sparingly, and have no twitter, pinterest, or instagram. We are firm believers that the internet should not be in a person's pocket. It's a personal belief, but one that has saved us so much money through the years by keeping a 'dumb phone' and has allowed us to focus on each other and the people we communicate with in a meaningful, non-distracted way.
We do have any kids yet, but we have 15 nieces and nephews, 10 of whom live in screen-free homes. The 10 that live in screen free homes vs. the 5 that don't excel exponentially more in every area of their lives than the 5 that have access to screens. The 10 are more focused, have fewer behavioral problems, are more creative, and do much better in school. There are obviously other factors involved ,but screen-free homes and parents who severely try to limit screens tend encourage more creativity and healthy habits.
Part II…
I am obviously no perfect technology goddess (hello, I'm on the internet right now) but I have done a lot of research into the effects of technology on the brain, and no surprise here, but screens are not good for anyone, and ESPECIALLY young children. But take away the physical downsides and one of the biggest lies that still remains is that we, as a society, are 'more connected' and 'more efficient' with screens and technology. I do let myself read blogs and I blog, so I know that one of the issues 'going viral' right now is how social media can alienate others and contribute to a distorted perception of reality. My husband and I just had a long conversation about this and decided that, although the problem of distortion definitely exists on blogs and instagram mainly b/c people generally put their best side out there, there is a larger problem with the 'consumer' on the other end of the screen constantly submersing themselves in all the crap they look at and then thinking, 'Man, I will never made a cake that beautiful' or 'I wish my photos could look that good' and not spending time actually doing meaningful things. You want to bake a good cake? You got to get your a$$ off your screen and bake a cake, not whine about how good someone else's cake looks. You want to take better photos? You got to get your a$$ off your screen and start taking photos. And as with anything creative, it's going to take a lot of time and work before your talent becomes polished. Spending so much time looking at other people's virtual lives means a person is not living her own life.
Part III…
All this technology is not actually helping people 'stay connected' as we're starting to see, and it sure as heck isn't a good use of one's time. It's easy to look at a screen with fabulous photos and beautiful homes and think about how everyone has it better than you. Living life is hard. You want a better house? You've got to pick up a hammer. You don't like your job or where you live or the relationship you're in? Well, you're going to have to make some hard choices and big changes to get to where you want to be. Yes, the internet can show you how to fix your house or give you advice, but there is a fine line between its utility and its 'black-hole-that-will-suck-you-in-for-3-hours-without-doing anything productiveness'. Bottom line: real life isn't lived in the internet and on screens. It's lived in the real, physical world where you have to work to get what you want and to be a productive, contributing member of society. When people spend so much time on screens, everyone loses: kids, spouses, friends, and the individuals themselves. Our society is composed of all the people mentioned above, so society as a whole suffers.
We don't have any kids yet, but my mother had 6 kids (1 who is severely autistic) and our house was clean, a homemade meal was made nightly, and laundry was done in a timely manner every week. When I asked my mom what her secret was this is what she said:
"When you were growing up, we didn't have t.v., cell phones, or the internet. I worked hard and was happy because I was doing what needed to get done. In my spare time, I held my children. We read to you for hours each night. We took walks, we gardened. I tried to show you and teach you about as much of the world as I could."
That people, is wisdom.
And it's coming to you via screen, so I admit the issue is not completely black and white. I think we need to all live our lives as best we can, work hard, and be a part of meaningful communities. Key word: meaningful. We need to limit the time we spend in the virtual world and teach our children the same.
-Robyn
http://www.houseofcharmings.com
@robyn, your mom! she's amazing. and it sounds like the families your nieces/nephews are growing up in are serious pioneers of this time. i feel like families like that are fewer and further in between (we're not even screen free, though i'm sort of envying what your family is doing). i have a long ways to go to be that good, but that is IMPRESSIVE and i am glad people like that still exist 🙂 and seriously! you're so right! instead of looking and wishing… GET IN THE GAME AND MAKE THAT CAKE! this voyeurism on the internet/blogs/pinterest can be so dangerous and so defeating…. we quit before we've even tried.
This is a huge issues these days, and I have to say the BEST discussion of this I have ever heard was at Wheaton College chapel a few years ago:
http://www.wheaton.edu/WETN/All-Media?from=01%2F01%2F2009&to=&page=64
Dr. Read Schuchardt, a Communications professor, media ecologist, and friend of ours spoke so much truth on this subject. If you have 25 minutes, I promise you it's worth the listen.
(Read Schuchardt from March 4, 2009)
Loved this post, Bridget! In my elementary school, almost all of the fifth graders have facebook accounts, instagram, and cell phones (iPhone5s nonetheless!) and it actually physically sickens me.
One of my biggest frustrations with the technology age (aside from the time-suck, lack of true communication/social skills, and loss of imaginative play) is that it takes away the accountability of what you say. Jerry has a really interesting story from a student at our alma mater sending a vicious email to the president of the college. The president called him into his office and before saying anything to him, handed the student a hard copy of the email and asked him to read it aloud. The student, so the story goes, got through a couple sentences before stopping and saying, "I just can't do this."
It's amazing to think of the things we say behind the veil of a screen that we would NEVER say in real life to an actual person's face.
If it's any consolation at all, your folks are FARRRR ahead of mine. No computer in that house and I swear my mother thinks someone is sitting on the "other side" answering whatever I google. Truth.
That said, yes, I am full-on addicted. Addicted to twitter. Addicted to instagram. But computer time during the day, I realllly try not to. I write posts in the evening on "my time".
As for the kids, my oldest who is 14 was the LAST kid in her entire eighth grade class to get a phone. This once she graduated and was set to go to high school. Please note that I worked for the largest telecommunications company in Canada at the time and had access to free wireless. Did they tell her mom sucked? i am sure they did! But really…what does a fifth grader need with a cell phone? Instagram? It is CRAZY!!!
Longest comment ever. xo
Yes. To everything you said. Addicted to my phone, BUT I have been making a huge effort to keep it in my pocket, across the room or in the car so that I'm more PRESENT wherever it is that I am or who I'm with. My days are scheduled, every day, so I make sure that I have enough screen time to get things done but that I'm not in front of it all day.
Our kids get VERY little screen time. The four year old gets just a bit more on some days and when he does, it's an educational app on the iPad. But, even that is very limited. We're all about playing and being outside & active. The kids don't watch any tv during the week (and we don't have cable), and just a little on the weekends. I see some friends kids though that are SO incredibly addicted. It's sad, because those tend to be the kids who don't know how to entertain themselves. I'd say we have a pretty good thing going on here. Of course, there are days here and there where we veg out. They're few and far between though.
@lisa, THAT story is a good one to illustrate the issues with this. thanks for sharing. no accountability whatsoever! bullying at its worst. and in so many of the chat rooms/etc. that games sometimes have with them, even LESS accountability since they're actually acting under anonymous names. that's a whole other ugly side to the addiction…
@susan liberatore, i'd say i'm addicted too – though trying to break it! (i LOL'ed at your folks!)
@alyson mcmahon, i love the way your'e doing things. don't you hate, though, that your kids will still be influenced by their friends who have no limits???
The hard part is that our children have no idea what life was like "back then." They cannot even imagine a world where there weren't cell phones.
It's the new norm now and part of me accepts it and part of me wants the kids to go play in the creek and go ride their bike to the 7-11 for a slurpee or go run around the neighborhood all day until it's dark. These are not even possibilities in our world now, which is so very sad.
We do the very best we can but they will never live the childhoods that most of us (old people) had.
Love your blog!
We have the same 30 minute rule. My kids have to set the kitchen timer. If I see a kid on the computer or iPod, etc. and there is no timer set, I assume it's already gone off and they must immediately get off the device and they lose the privilege for the next day. It's only happened twice because they know I'll follow through!
My teenagers have purchased their own iPod Touch devices, but the rule is the same. I don't care whose money bought the thing.
And we don't allow any Internet in their bedrooms. All Internet surfing goes on in a common area of the home: kitchen, dining room, family room, etc. (This means that those kids who purchased their own iPods aren't even allowed to take them into their rooms. Gasp!)
Oh! And I know the passwords to all of their accounts and I periodically check them. When I see things I don't like, I bring them up to my kids about it. Posts gets blocked. People get blocked!
I'm with you. Technology is a double-edged sword. It's so great in so many ways, but it can easily spread into every moment of your life–and we just don't need that!
@kim, i know. it makes me feel a little bad for them, you know?
@mendy, you are hard core! and YES to the computers/ipods/etc. all being in main living areas. our computer is right next to the kitchen, the screen in full view of everything… bedrooms?! no way.
Thank GODDDD that someone else is wary of this screen-addiction, too! I work at an elementary school after-school program, and I swear, all these kids got (mini)iPads for Christmas, and a few even have cell phones…?! I don't have kids (yet), but there's still that same temptation for me and my husband, too. (We never want to be "that couple" at a restaurant where both are on their iPhones…). Anywayz! Just glad someone else is thinking about this dilemma too 🙂
yeah, it is everybody nightmare! technology. My husband and I are becoming addictive to the tecnology too, cellular, computer. At least we love to travel if wouldn't be that way we would have been rusty already. lol.
@juliekristen, steve and i (and definitely some other commenters here!) will be the last strongholds in the anti-techno world! 😉
oooo this is a touchy one. Do you know how many times I (or my husband who doesn't seem to see the hypocrisy of his words)have told our children that they don't need their nook (dsi, computer, tv, insert any electronic gadget here) while we clutch our phones in our hands and glance down to see the world playing out on screen?
I'm a teacher. The same thing happens here. Student asks a question, we tell them to look it up in a book while we search the internet for the answer.
This was my favorite post I've ever read here. Thanks for it!
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yessss. I agree. Ive been trying so hard to keep my phone in my purse, especially with other people. Instagram makes that tricky – its so dang fun to post quick photos and see what people are up to! But you have reminded me with this refreshing post that I want to delete my twitter account. heck, I barely ever use it and no one would notice and it would be one less social media I dont use. I rarely go on fb. that leaves blogging, email, insta and pinterest. I can live with those in (hopeful) moderation (:
wise words my friend. and good reminder to us all!
Sometimes when I get sucked in, I just have to remind myself of the amazing things I could be getting accomplished with that time. Who knows what you could be getting done instead of PINTEREST? Create a new product that will be your bestseller, make your family feel your love for them, make a memory that your children will remember forever, go discover something new about your city. It's endless, and usually enough to get me off the internet.
But then again, you know I love my internet friends. I'm glad they all have my number now.
technology is here to stay and our kids will know no other world.
best to let them learn so that they can be on the same level as their peers for college .jobs .etc… but control it as much as you can.
not at dinner. not after bedtime.
after chores. etc…
it is a fine balance but all parenting is.
🙂
I agree that we are addicted, but I also see the pros to it as well as the cons. We are more informed, and we have more access to the world around us.
My grandmother doesn't know how to use a computer, which is fine. But she recently asked if people who are homosexual have different genitals. Knowledge is power, and if we have a greater access to knowledge, I think we are at least ahead of the game.
As long as your children are educated on how to use the technology they do encounter, I imagine they'll be alright.
i lovelovelove this. growing up, we weren't allowed to watch tv or go online unless it was for homework. i had to beg for a cellphone at 16 and wasn't allowed to get texting until i was 18.
at the time, it annoyed me, but looking back on it now, i'm so glad that my parents did it. i see so many kids now that don't understand "go outside and play," and it absolutely breaks my heart.
i find myself on instagram, facebook, google reader (you name it), ALL the time and it kills me. a few weeks ago, i started ignoring all social media when i was at home…and it was awesome. best decision ever.
you guys are raising your kids right…i'd rather have a kid that can climb a tree rather than a kid that can access an ipad at 9 months old.
i love this post – and not just because i'm now famous (i will be miking this 15 minutes). I love it because i was reading twitter while getting my pedi and i was pissed – PISSED – that I couldn't get your blog on my 3gs iPhone. can you believe the irony? sitting in a spa, GETTING A PEDI, NOT ABLE TO OPEN YOUR BLOG ON MY STINKY OLD SMART PHONE. it's smart – i was on the internet NOT HOOKED UP TO A WALL. I grew up with a rotary phone. call waiting was the most incredible invention of all time. before that, we used to call the operator and have them request an emergency interruption thing – because i needed to tell my friend that Journey HAS A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT!! if you have time someday, look up Louie CK's inflight wifi bit. there is a lot of language in it, but it is so hilarious. oh – and we have this debate at school often. technology can be an incredible teaching tool – but it can also be a great tool to use to cheat…love this blog cousin bridge – and i'm kind of fond of you as well. oh, one more thing, when i was a young mom, a mom friend of mine who had been at it longer wisely told me (while i was feeling angst about some mom thing that i can't remember) a guilty mom is the sign of a great mom. i don't know if it's true but i went with it – since i was a very guilty mom! (like the "was?") it just means you are thinking, caring, weighing outcomes. we all do the best we can with the end result hopefully having some great humans that will contribute to society and change your diaper when you need it someday!
Preach it, sister friend!!! My little guy turns one in two weeks and is very sheltered from technology. But thinking about having another within the next year puts a whole different spin on it when I'm trying to wrangle him and take care of a baby. It's just so much easier!
In the long run though I definitely am with you about limiting time. The problem is my husband is just not. He's technology ALL THE WAY. Stays up watching tv with his computer in his lap. Wakes up and goes to work, which is an IT project manager who luckily gets to work from home, which means computer the ennntire day. There's no reading or writing or sitting around bored. And what makes me sad is that it rubs off on me. I have to do the same thing about leaving devices in other rooms because it's a literal addiction to check quickly when you are just sitting there! So bad. Anyway, love and appreciate all of this. I think that this is happening more and more, so hopefully it will rub in to the kiddos some. 🙂
Just wanted to say I found your blog through the sling diaries. I'm really enjoying reading it. This post particularly hits on a topic that I think about often. I have 5 and 2 year old boys. Both my husband and I try to keep the screen time to a minimum for ourselves (at least when the kids are awake)and this includes phone time.
We do let them both watch sporting events/games on tv fairly often. My 5 year old loves to watch golf and hockey and will usually catch about 2 hours between both sports per week. When it was just my first we were very strict on the no tv besides sports. But that eased a lot with our second child. He's only 2, so he doesn't really watch tv. But there definitely are times when the 5 year old asks and I'll put on a Disney Jr. or Sprouts show and the 2 yr old will tune right in. And it is a very easy thing to take advantage of when you're trying to make dinner after a long day of work! We just try not to let it get out of hand with too many shows and most days there's not much time for tv between dinner, reading and baths/showers.
The great thing is that both my boys love to go outside and would much rather be out playing especially if it's not too cold out. But we try to lead by example. My husband would much rather be outside playing golf then inside watching it or playing a wii game. So he'll take the boys outside and hit balls. Or take our 5 yr old out for 9 holes. We love to camp in the summer time and ski in the winter.
Not the my 5 yr old doesn't occasionally ask to play Math Bingo on my phone or ask my husband to find particular "How It's Made" segments on youtube, but we try to keep things in moderation. I also thing keeping an active lifestyle yourself and getting out and doing stuff as a family helps to keep the screen time to a minimum.
Of course I'm sure this will all change in a few years when they are hitting the pre-teen and teen years.
seriously sister suffragette. march on.
my parents were super natzi about screen time and I think there is a fine balance! I mean my toddler can say all her letter sounds thanks to endless abc for the ipad. that happened quicker than I could have because it was a game:) but, she gets grouchy when there isn't enough imagination play.
Your dad reminds me a lot of mine. He even refuses to get a cell phone after he moved to working at home and lost the work cell phone. He also didn't understand that all caps=yelling so after working on a data sheet he would switch over to his coworkers chat and type with all caps. He got a kick out of that after they asked him why he was yelling. Oh, the age of technology. It's a love/hate debate for sure.
this. exact topic. has been on my mind for the past year ++. as a teacher, and working with youth in my church, i am frightened by the technology trend i observe in these young people. it seems to me that a large part of why children are, as i would bluntly put it, robbed of a childhood, is the massive role technology play in their lives and surroundings. i agree with every word you wrote. and i am afraid that my children will hate me for being the strictest mom on the block, because i, like you, am firmly decided on limiting my children's time with technology, believing they will be better people for it. thanks for being a great example. and i don't think you're a hypocrite. it is, after all, 2013.