01. I listened to a podcast while I was mowing the lawn the other day. Who else but Oprah’s. Within the first five minutes I was hooked. But then it continued and as it concluded I was left questioning it more than being on board like I was in the beginning. It was with Dr. Shefali Tsabary (author of The Conscious Parent). What drew me in right away was this quote, “A conscious parent is not one who seeks to fix her child, or seeks to produce or create the perfect child. This is not about perfection. The conscious parent understands that this journey has been undertaken, that this child has been called forth to raise the parent itself. To show the parent where the parent yet has to grow. This is why we call our children into our lives.” Yes. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, my children are my greatest teachers–where I feel like I exercise both my greatest strengths and my greatest weaknesses and raising them is where I am absolutely the hardest on myself than in any other venue of my life. Then the podcast goes on, talking about how we decide at age 4 that they should try an instrument. She says, “Did the child tell you they wanted to try that instrument?” implying that so often, it’s the parent’s desire, not the child’s at all. This is further displayed with an example of her niece and tennis lessons. She was always moving slowly to get ready for tennis, was always late. Turns out, she didn’t want to take tennis at all, but the mother wanted her to take tennis. Point taken. However, kids are inherently lazy (humans are, really). Sometimes it’s as simple as them wanting to continue watching a movie instead of getting ready to leave the house for xyz. They need the parent interceding on their behalf to discover their strengths and once they get over the learning curve / difficulty of the practice, they so often discover they actually love said activity. We’d often never get there without the parent keeping the momentum going. There were other examples, and perhaps I’m watering the argument down too far (admittedly, I haven’t read the book) but I wasn’t sure I was on board with the latter part of the podcast as much as I was from the start. She seems to take the approach of providing fewer tangible “parenting how-to’s” as much as talking about parenting from the heart, which I do like, but I also wanted to jump into the podcast and press her on a few things. Undoubtedly there are some incredible takeaways, and I’m still curious to read more of her ideas. Anyone listened?
02. My new Erin Pelicano necklace (c/o). It fits right between my other two necklaces and is delicate and perfect. There are so many gorgeous pieces in her shop that are a perfect gift for a new Mom, a sister. I love this ring too. A lot of perfect layering pieces. Love layering delicate necklaces.
03. A new highlighter. You guys know I love a good highlighter, especially for summer. I have this one in rose glow and it’s got just enough color for both lips and cheeks, and the right amount of shimmer too. Like I just went for a quick jog and then drank a gallon of water. Lol. I showed it on my face better here.
04. The new Ray Lamontagne. So glad that man has a new album. His last one was a departure from his normal stuff, that it didn’t grab me, but this one feels like he’s returning to his old sound. Favorites so far: To the Sea and Such a Simple Thing. Do you have a favorite song by him? Mine might be Barfly.
05. Dear Kate (period underwear; yeah, we’re going there). After my going green post, they reached out and asked me if they could send me some underwear. I didn’t own any period underwear yet, but after having babies, felt like it was even more necessary. Things are just not exactly what they once were! I wore it for the first time yesterday and loved the security of wearing it (especially towards the beginning of my cycle). Also love that it will cut down on the level of waste I produce every month. It was really comfortable too. Felt like I was wearing my normal underwear! I am SOLD. Period underwear for everyone!
{glasses c/o Felix Gray; longer necklace c/o Tiny Tags; choker from Erin Michelle (on sale); middle necklace from Erin Pelicano c/o; sweater from J.Crew (on sale; really want the gray color but dammit, do not want to spend the money!; wearing Twig on my lips here}
I haven’t listened to that podcast episode, but it reminds me of a book I just finished, The Self Driven Child. It was a very informative read on helping kids become independent. This books calls it parenting as a “consultant.” One thing I was struck by in the book was the idea that if you as the parent are putting in more work (and are more concerned) with something of the child’s (i.e. School work, practices, music lessons) that’s a problem. Anyway, that reminded me of the swim lessons example you mentioned. I thought the book was really great if you want to read something similar.
I think more often than not, it IS the parent(s) pushing the child into an activity they enjoyed themselves or want the child to pursue for some reason. Pulling a kid away from a screen is akin to feeding them dessert for dinner and then offering them a plate of brocolli. If given the choice, unformed minds will choose what tastes best. If the screen (or dessert) is not an option (this is the parenting part) then who knows what the child would choose to do? We had two boys and my husband did sports as a kid and I did not. We agreed we would take our lead from each boy, not introduce the notion ourselves. One boy never did play a team sport but happily enjoyed hoops on the driveway, baseball games casually arranged, and participated in a couple of intramural sports in college. The other boy came home one day in second grade begging to play baseball and proceeded to play baseball in spring, soccer in fall, basketball in winter and captained his college soccer team. He still plays soccer and has three children!
Your new necklace looks beautiful! Very delicate, very elegant. 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
I listened to about 10 minutes of Dr. Tsabary on Lewis Howes podcast and couldn’t finish it. I didn’t like how she basically said that parents do everything for their own gratification and not their children’s. My child isn’t going to know that they maybe want to play piano if I don’t suggest it and have them try it out. My 3 year old is enjoying t-ball but he wouldn’t of asked to play on his own because he didn’t know what it was. A lot of self help people seem to come from really broken backgrounds and assume that everyone does and that they then push their brokeness on their own kids. This may be true for people from these backgrounds but some of us did have decent upbringings and don’t blame their parents for everything bad in their life.
I love that you tried period underwear! I’ve never heard of Dear Kate, I have Thinx! Now you need to try a menstrual cup and write all about that experience! Lol
I’ve been using a Diva cup for a couple years now! Love it most of the time… still too afraid to wear it to barre class!
I tried diva cup and the fit wasn’t great. After about a year I switched to the Ruby cup (they are out of the U.K. and support girls in Africa) and it’s worked out perfectly.
Had mine in place for yoga, sup, took it backpacking. So great!
sometimes the fit feels great and other times, it’s not 100% right. tell me, with the ruby, do you have zero leaking? (i still have SOME with the diva, not a lot)
Yep! Zero leaking unless its day 2 and I’ve underestimated the flow for the day and waited too long to empty.
Cup capacity seems to be the same as diva. But ruby is just a better anatomical fit for me. I swim with it (like lap swimming).
Also I guess I’d add- I haven’t had kiddos and my cervix is tilted to the side and posterior (hello a lot of anatomical info). All to say that these cups could all be good if all made of medical grade silicone (and don’t forget to sterilize by boiling prior to using on Day 1).
It’s trying different ones to get the perfect fit that’s key (one person even said they turned there’s inside out to use? How would they easily remove it?)
My Conclusion though- one million percent worth it. Less fuss, better for the environment and great for my active backpacking traveling working in surgery all day life!
I use Lunetta and I have a little leaking sometimes, but I have reusable pads I can also wear if I feel the need.
Hi there!
Sometimes when you expose a child to others doing different things, i.e.. playing the piano, drawing, soccer, baseball, football,etc., they can process the fun of the activity and then ask to try it themselves. We found this, many times, works better then just “signing them up” for activities. Our friend has a yearly pass to the Phila. Zoo and takes her son several times a month. He knows all about the animals, has held many of them and now wants to train animals when he grows up…he just turned 5 !
You are a great mom with a great family and the children will be wonderful people as a result.
BTW My daughter is loving living in Assembly Row, what a marvelous place to be! She is in The Montage and has somewhat of a reverse commute since she works in Bedford. I thought we had lots of traffic in Cape May during the summer… virtually none compared to the Boston area!
Enjoy your summer and I hope to get to Cape May again.
I love wearing multiple danty necklaces, too buuuuut the chains always get tangled up!! Any tips?!?! As for that ring, Target has a very similar one for $10…..
Without having listened to the podcast, I do feel you in regards to the need to push our children to try new things. If it were up to my 3 year old he would never leave the house and we’d all lose our minds by 10:30 each day. We’re not at the age of putting our kids into activities yet but I look forward to exposing him to the sports and activities my husband and I were into. If he likes them, awesome! If not, glad we tried them and we’ll move on.
I listened to that same podcast while taking a stroll through the neighborhood with my 4 month old. Like you, there were some parts of the interview that were lightbulb moments: children being our teachers, not steering a child down a path that we (as parents) feel they should take to make them successful/happy/etc., not forcing our children to be anything other than who they already are, fostering their spirit, etc. I agree, though, that much of what she talked about left me with more questions. Like you said, kids need a (loving) kick in the rear sometimes! Also, as a child I was ALWAYS telling my parents I wanted to learn to play such-and-such instrument or take such-and-such lessons to learn some new hobby. ALL. THE. TIME. But when it would come time for me to follow through or, shoot, even just show up…I was less than enthusiastic. I was nervous and afraid and needed someone to hold my hand and then give me a push! That’s how kids learn! If my parents had deferred to my preference, I would have sat home, become a hermit, and watched a lot of TV. *shrugs*
Yeah, I listened to the podcast and while there were some parts that were good (ok?, still undecided) I found myself disagreeing with a lot of it. I have a 10 and 6 year old, and while we don’t force them to do anything I also think that it’s up to us as parents to expose them to a wide variety of activities/sports/etc. How would our then 6 year old daughter have known that piano lessons were an option if we didn’t let her know about the music school in town? How would our son have known about lacrosse if we didn’t let him know about the variety of rec sports offered to children in our town? How would our children know about swim lessons and swim team if we didn’t take the initiative when they were little to just sign them up?
I’m not saying we should force our kids into anything they don’t want to do(heck we’d love our daughter to play a couple of different sports and think she would enjoy them but she has said no and we’re respecting that), however, I think it’s our responsibility to at the very least expose them to all kinds of different activities and lay out their options.
And further, I think once a kid signs up for something it’s our job to be clear that there is an expectation that they practice and/or show up for themselves, for the team, for the coach (etc). Sometimes kids need a little prodding to get out the door or to go practice the piano and I see nothing wrong with that.
yes! especially to your last paragraph! teaching children the importance of follow-through, and committing… it’s important. i feel like i need to listen to other talks she’s given because i just couldn’t get on board with this one.
I listened to this episode of the Oprah podcast and although I’m not a parent, I love listening to parenting topics and reading about raising children (in hopes to someday have my own). For some reason though, this episode was really difficult for me to follow and understand at points. I too ended this episode having WAY more questions and confusion than when I entered. Oh well…
Love your necklaces! Question: whenever I layer my necklaces, they get tangled together after an hour or so. Any tips on how to keep them from doing that?
ah, mine do too! but not a crazy amount (and not at all with the choker). no real tips 🙁
I listened to that podcast and thought it had very little practical guidance. All the talk about letting your child be authentic and all that. Well, what if your child being authentic to herself involves bad behavior. She had zero practical suggestions on how to use her theory. I dunno. I didn’t think it was helpful at all and, frankly, seemed esoteric to the point of being satire.