I’m going to try to keep this short and to the point since I know you’ve all heard, read, and seen a lot about Instagram these days. This isn’t a post about the pitfalls of the perfectionism on Instagram, but more the boundaries I need (and maybe you need too) to live peacefully with the app. Here we go.
Instagram at its inception is totally different than Instagram 2018. We all know this, and it just is what it is. No use fighting it because our efforts will be futile. I mean how many times have we seen complaints about the algorithm? Have they changed it back? No, and if I’m not mistaken, I think the algorithm has recently become even trickier and requires even more of your time to stay relevant/in people’s feeds/get likes/grow. It’s a necessary beast for me in blogging, but if not for that… well, I’m not totally sure.
I’ve been losing followers for months now. Up and down, up and down, and down and down. I don’t spent enough time on Instagram, post enough pictures (or post enough of the right pictures), engage enough, do all the right things, etc. to grow. It’s frustrating, don’t get me wrong, but frustrating enough for me to learn the algorithm, keep up with its demands, and devote as much of my time as I’d need to to grow? No! I can’t do it. First and very much foremost–I have kids at home! I need to be present for them. I do not want them, big or small, seeing me on my phone all the time. Monkey see, monkey do. And I want so much more for them. Second–the million and a half other things that mother, homeowner, part-time blogger, wife, friend, and sister entail. Time is too precious. (And the mom-guilt when I spend my time in ways that aren’t enriching (i.e. looking at my phone) my life is very real for me.)
No doubt there are ways to grow and there’s people everywhere doing it. If I found ways to make it happen without giving so much of my time to it, perhaps I could justify the time spent. But it seems really, really hard to these days unless you’re a) already huge b) busting your butt (and I mean really busting it) c) getting regular shout outs from some big companies d) paying for followers/likes/etc.
Visualize with me for a second–It feels very much like the Instagram gods are these greedy circus ringmasters holding hoops for us to jump through. And we’re all doing it! And just when we think we got the knack, they change the rules, and we have to learn a whole new way to jump through those hoops.
As I’m rereading this post back to myself I hope that it isn’t sounding like I’m suggesting that you throw the towel in, or that I’m a kid who didn’t like the rules of the game so I’m taking my ball and going home. I don’t intend to sound like either! What I am trying to do is help myself, and, if this resonates with you then perhaps you too, set some boundaries with Instagram so that you don’t get quite as frustrated with the whole stupid thing. There are times when I really like being there, connecting with people I genuinely care about, getting inspired by so many of the beautiful images and captions, but it’s a slippery slope and it’s easy for a little time to become a lot of time until you’re looking at Instagram during any pause in your day.
Here’s what I suggest you do if you’re finding yourself in a place where Instagram is taking up too much of your day, feeling like an addiction, making you feel shitty about your life and/or guilty about the time you give it. Note–some of these are things I need to do too as opposed to things that I’m totally owning already:
- Turn off all notifications. This is super unpopular because I know we all want you to turn on (specifically our) post notifications, but turn them off. All of them! Instagram, Facebook, Voxer, Twitter, etc. ALL OF THEM. OFF. As of recently iMessage notifications have even been turned off for me. (That said, I still use iMessage all the time. And as of late, way too much Marco Polo with two West Coast friends of mine. I’m not that disciplined.)
- Don’t keep your phone by your bed. What do you go to bed doing? What do you wake doing? Probably reaching for your phone and scrolling Instagram, am I right? Instead, let’s go to bed with a quiet reflection and wake up with a mantra about making it a good day? This sounds cheesy but I am serious! Maybe a meditation? Thinking about three things we are grateful for? Some deep breathing, cuddling with our kids, coffee and quiet (quiet is relative; let’s just aim for quiet in terms of technology). Go to bed with a book? Journaling? Planning your next day? I think these are all significantly better ends and starts to one’s day than scrolling IG.
- Limit the hours of the day when you even allow yourself on the app. For me personally, I’m thinking quickly in the morning if I need to get a new post out, and then staying off of it until 8 PM personally. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule–if there’s a specific deadline, or some type of collaboration–but on a normal day, 8 PM. And take all the pictures and videos you want, but post them/caption them after 8. (That said, IG stories feel much more innocuous than something in one’s permanent feed. There’s less of a need to go back and check and see how well it’s doing, so if this feels too much–story away, my friends.)
- Stop thinking about it so much. Stop caring about the numbers. Post the way you used to post. Post the things you want your children to see one day. Post the things that make you happy. This is your Instagram after all! (I realize this is easier said than done, especially if you’re thinking of Instagram as a business tool. But your readers ultimately want your voice (or should!). That’s why they’re following you. So I daresay, if you are yourself, then it’ll resonate with your readers. And if it doesn’t, do you want them there anyway?)
Just a few thoughts I’ve had and really wanted to put down in writing as a sort of accountability to myself. Social media is a fast train moving forward so instead of stomping our feet about how much we, at times, dislike it, we need to be disciplined about our use of it! It doesn’t deserve this much of our negative energy. Who’s with me?
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I could not agree more! I recently took a vacation with my Mom and when I was gone I completely disconnected from IG. It was BLISS. I stopped caring about the followers I was losing (and I lost a LOT) And I just connected and was present. I got back and my routine is now different. I’m not worrying about taking pics or stressing about it. I post when I feel like it, but I don’t care how well the post does. This is how I used to live with Instagram and it feels great to be getting back to authenticity again. And your limits during the day are genius. I am way too guilty of scrolling at stop lights, during my kids movies, when I’m supposed to be doing housework. Its so pointless and definitely gives my kids the wrong idea about how someone should spend their time. Thanks for this post!!
I just want to give a hug to all of the mommas and creatives who are doing their best to promote business via social media. It appears to be hard work and seems to be a battle. On one hand, I see it as an awesome step to making sure you can stay home with your kiddos and do something greater than the drain and grind of corporate America. But on the other hand, they (whoever “they” are) seem to have made it their goal to have social media become the grind. The manager who is impossible to please. Ultimately the real you and the real products (from the creative entrepreneurs I follow) are what I want to see. But I also want to see success for you all and I wish it wasn’t such a game.
On the bright side. You ARE home with your kiddos. As someone who grew up with my mom in the home, I can say that is one of the greatest gifts she gave me. So press on!
This is brilliant. It has become the grind. (And one that you can’t turn off, close the door and leave, walk away from Saturday and Sunday.) Thank you for your comment, Rose!
Have you heard of the Moment app? It runs in the background and tracks your screen time and also gives you a report of what apps you’re using the most. I think we all know that we’re on our phone too much (and what apps are taking up that time) but it’s REALLY eye-opening to see an actual number, in hours per day, that we’re on our phone. It’s been a great way to hold myself accountable instead of mindlessly scrolling so often.
Yes!! Been using this and I do not like how much time I’m spending daily looking at my phone!!
Second the Moment recommendation! It is eye opening how much time you spend on your phone without realising it. I deleted Instagram and FB from my phone and just check them on my desktop now. I’ve cut down from 2+ hours / day to less than half an hour and I feel so much better. I felt like it was interfering with my capacity to concentrate and like I was under so much pressure to consume all these images. But once it’s gone, you don’t miss it (although I do miss blogging og c 2010). Having said that, I work in an extremely analog industry so it’s been much easier to do. Thanks for a wonderful post Bridget.
Yes, yes, yes. I haven’t updated my Instagram in over two weeks now, the longest it’s been. It feels so refreshing and I really needed this break…
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I’m just about ready to delete Instagram and be done with it altogether. I’m bookmarking my favorite blogs on my laptop so I can follow in a more controlled way. I also love Marco Polo for keeping up with out of town friends, and I am tired of the time suck and negative feelings that seem to be an inseparable part of Instagram. I’ve loved the app since it’s inception, but I think it’s time for me personally to move on.
yes yes yes yes!!!!!! i couldn’t have said it better, but i’ve been thinking about it, for sure. instgram isn’t out to make us feel like success stories. they’re in it for their own [facebook owned] monetary benefit. you do either have to be already big at this point [i’m minuscule], be in 9 million instagram pods and facebook groups spending 75% of your day commenting on everyones stuff… or just let it go and enjoy. 🙂 i lost a family member over christmas and subsequently took a couple of weeks off of social media for the most part. it just doesn’t matter in the long run. so, of course it hurt my engagement to not be posting every day! that’s messed up. and i don’t want to feed into it. but i do love those happy little squares of life and the connection it brings me with family members and other likeminded people that i just adore… so i’ll keep it at that!!! i’m SO GLAD you posted your thoughts on this! so. so. GLAD.
YES . Thank you for being real . And a mom. And a human . It’s relatable and like you’ve put my thoughts to paper. Part of me wants so badly to use Instagram as a way to let other women know their worth, power and company, yet the other part is screaming that that’s what our lives have come to . You go girl!
I’m not a blogger, but I’ve followed you for years as you are one of the most genuine people in my “insta-universe”. Honestly, I’m glad you don’t post every day. As you said, you have real live little people who need you, and that’s so much more important! Keep doing you and I’ll see you when I see you!
thank you Shannon!
About 3 months ago I quit social media, Facebook and Instagram-just deleted the apps from my phone! I’ve been so much happier! I feel so much more alive! And my relationship with my daughter has improved a lot, she’s still so little but she loves it when she has got my full attention. I also noticed my own reactions when being interrupted from my phone as opposed to being interrupted when I’m washing dishes, or doing laundry. I’ve heard the amount of words that small children hear everyday is important for language and brain development. For me personally I speak more words to my child when I’m not looking at a screen. I don’t miss it! Loved this post, i respect those of you who can coexist happily with Instagram with boundaries in place, I think I’m better off without it.
I wish IG wouldn’t treat every user as a business owner. I mean, I have two accounts and one is private – I am not looking to grow my private account, I am looking to connect with people that I know. I just wish they wouldn’t make it so hard on us ‘casual’ users. … There are already so many sponsored posts and now they suggest accounts to follow and I just don’t know, at least give us a choice to use IG the way we want to…
Good call!
Love this but hope you keep posting your dinner ideas and recipes in stories. It’s saved me lately!
I am unaware of the instagram battles with income and followers – but it seems to be an issue with everyone at this point. Do you have a resource that you could share that explains this process? I logged off instagram and facebook at the beginning of the year and haven’t turned back. All income and followers aside, I’d highly recommend it to anyone at this point. It has been life changing and eye opening for me. This Ted Talk on the subject is great: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E7hkPZ-HTk
Do people still make income from blogs alone? I think we are consuming in instagram because people we love and enjoy are using that platform. Anyways, food for thought. Thanks for your work and input here, I enjoy it!
I don’t have a resource–more just the chatter I’ve heard on IG and stories. For me, blogging is still my number one (in terms of enjoyment and income). Instagram is more of a tool to drive people to my blog. I hope blogging stays, because I think it’s a way healthier space overall.
I get paid to manage the social media and content for brands and I will tell you if it wasn’t my job, I would delete all social media accounts. It is a time suck and a beast of burden. Good for you for not chasing the algorithm- it will only get harder and your voice will get lost in the fray. Your kids deserve your attention more than your phone and you get major respect from me for recognizing that! <3
It didn’t happen overnight. But it feels good to have pretty much given up caring! Beast of burden–good term for it!
I love this so much! All social media is hard to deal with! Lately I’ve been feeling like it sucks the life out of my but for to my buisness I can’t seem to let it go! But we are the only momma our babes have and we only live once! I like to choose to be present as much as I can in their lives! Xox
Bridget, this was a refreshing take on the Instagram debate so thank you for that! Honestly having seen that you did a post on this I had the thought, “Oh great, more ‘I spend too much time on Instagram!! (As I post this on Instagram!!)’ chatter” But it’s important to have these conversations and to set realistic boundaries! I’m not even an aspiring Instagram celebrity and I have to limit myself because I, too, don’t want to end my day feeling guilty at how much time I spent on my phone versus quality time spent with my son. So again, thoughtful post! Loved it!
I just try to use my Instagram as a way to connect with friends and get inspiration. I do not care about all that other stuff because I’m not branding or influencing. That being said I find the stupid algorithm totally obnoxious. I end up missing friends and getting 3 posts from bigger accounts. I like those accounts but I don’t want to miss my friends and family because of it. As far as managing the time suck of scrolling, We arejust starting to leave phones out of the bedroom for the reasons you mentioned! But For so long I kept putting of getting an alarm clock. Which was silly. Anyway, sounds like you are finding the right balance with the gram!
I’m a grandma, taking care of my grandson everyday, and while I’m not one to romanticize the past it makes me really sad to see caretakers on their phones at playgrounds, pushing strollers, cafes and even libraries-all the time. I’ve seen kids wander off while their adult has head buried in a personal device.
I worked for a prestigious Boston university for a decade and one of the biggest transformations was seeing a lively campus quieted as students stopped talking to each other and instead engaged only with their phones. I wonder if we’ll start to see the devolution of hunan brains and perhaps a rise in antisocial behavior?
Linda, your comment made me so sad! Steve has witnessed a major change on the campus as well. He had a short break last week and remarked (out loud, to the class!) how ten years ago everyone would’ve been chatting during the break. This time, the room was completely silent as everyone spent the break on their phones. What will it take for this to change back?
Thank you for posting this Bridget! So well said! It’s scary that we have to really really try to be mindful of our phones. I try to think about when it happened? How did we get here?
I love the idea about turning off i message notifications. That’s usually what lures me to pick up my phone and start the spiral…
Last year I decided to change my behavior on instagram (my biggest social media platform time suck) from a consumption tool to a connection tool. I decided to purge the accounts I followed and then committed to comment and interact with the people I follow (friends and strangers) instead of mindlessly scrolling through my feed. Sometimes I even comment on others comments and connect with others who follow the same influencer. Long story short it’s made a huge difference in my life. I no longer follow accounts that don’t ever engage with me. It’s fun to hear back from influencers or other mommas thanking me for my comments and it takes more time so I follow less and less. I tried completely giving it up but I missed connecting with friends and families and I really feel like I get a lot good information from the people I follow. Anyway just another perspective on the whole social media situation.
And a good perspective too. This reminds me of Chris Loves Julia’s post about treating IG like a human. You have to connect! I do get that, but I think the desire to grow-grow-grow can muddy the waters and make the connection seem less genuine. I don’t know. It’s tricky. I appreciate your thoughts here though, Tracy. And a good reminder for me to reply back to the frequent commenters I get.
*nods head vigorously in agreement* I deleted Twitter off my phone (because, honestly, do I really need to tweet as I watch every television show?!?) and moved Instagram into a folder/cluster of apps on the second screen of my phone to reduce to temptation to have that be the first thing I click on. I also turned off cellular data for Instagram to keep me from mindlessly scrolling during my commute home. I’m much better off reaching for the book I keep lugging back and forth to the office.
I also like Tracy’s idea above (hence why I finally leaving my first comment here). 🙂
The cellular data turned off is a great idea.
I think in the long run Instagram is shooting itself in the foot. Just like people slowly started using FB less and less, the same will become true for Instagram. As someone who is just using it for social reasons, my feed has been so overtaken by ads I barely get to see the people I actually want to see. Sometimes things from my friends will show up a day after they posted it and I rarely see posts from the businesses I actually do want to support. If Instagram basically becomes one constant stream of marketing and ads then what’s the incentive for people to use it? I’ve actually been inclined lately to log in less. If there’s a blog I like I find myself going directly to the website now like I used to. So in that regard, maybe we’ve come full circle and people will start going directly to the source again circumventing Instagram completely and thus giving ourselves control again over what we choose to see and when.
I love that you’re doing this Bridget! I will continue to enjoy following you on IG regardless of how often you post 🙂 I’ve been considering following the example of a friend who disciplines themselves to keep off all social media for one hour per day, one day per week, and one week per year as a way to reconnect with the real world. I love your suggestions as well! Thanks for being a voice of sanity in this space and a model to us all.