it creeps up on me, sometimes, that nostalgia does. in a song or a memory or a meal. there’s no telling when it’ll interrupt the normal, sometimes harried, pace i’m going and force me to stop and, with a bit of an achy heart, remember what was. it sounds sad, doesn’t it? why is nostalgia like that? is it just that the passage of time lets us know we’re not infinite? (i don’t think this is it.) is it because i want to be back there in those days that are now a memory? (i don’t think this is it, either.) is it just that it’s a memory, probably a good one, that just lets you know that life moves. that even this moment, the present one, will be something you’ll be nostalgic for later on. (getting closer, i think.)
well, this is taking a bit of a deeper turn than i thought it would.
but anyway, nostalgia. i married a nostalgic man and i am a somewhat nostalgic woman. we remember our past and those people in it, mostly with a happy heart. it keeps us grateful, i think. i mean, if you are actively nostalgic (actively nostalgic? what am i even saying?) then won’t it force you to be grateful for the people and times when you’re in them? nostalgic people don’t like regrets, i think. right?
again, i’m not sure where this is going but it’s getting deeper still!
sometimes (well, not so much anymore as these days i am drifting off as soon as my head hits the pillow) as i fell asleep, i used to walk myself through the halls and rooms of my old house. every creak in the floorboard, every window and each curtain covering it, every groove of the kitchen counter tile. i remember it so well. this shouldn’t surprise me. i lived in it from birth till college. i don’t know what this serves me, this memory walk-through that i do, but i do it anyway. in this house i watched dr. quinn medicine woman on friday nights, ate cereal or dad’s banana french toast on sunday mornings. in this house i got ready for every dance from the cotillion to my senior prom. in this house i went climbing up the sides of the bathtub, slipped, and cracked open my chin (i was four!). in this house i experienced childhood, my teen years, and the college application process. this house and the people that lived in it hold much of what i’m nostalgic for. inside its walls is where so much of the memory-making took place.
i miss it.
well, i guess this is where i got.
Do your parents still live in that same house? I hope so.
I get that same way when I go home to visit my dad, even though I didn't live there so long. I think a part of me wishes I had soaked it up more, taken it less for granted.
It's a haunting kind of feeling, isn't it?
Makes me think–this is the house Everett will remember. The stuff I do with him today might be the things he goes over in his head when he falls asleep one day.
And you just made me really glad I put a sticky mat down in our tub for Everett. He loves climbing up the sloped side. What is that about?
Nostalgia is good. And I think often times it can make someone a better friend. You remember the first time hanging out with someone, grabbing coffee; the special moments that would have otherwise been insignificant become memories that serve as pillars of a friendship.
I think this is why we both can pickup a friendship with a girl who lived halfway across the world for a few years and feel like we still live in the same dorm room together. It is good.
However, nostalgia can deepen the pain of loss. It can bring hurtful memories flooding back with a realness that stings. So it is with nostalgia that I pray for grace. I pray that the memories are accompanied, as you said, "mostly with a happy heart."
@elizabeth, no 🙁 wiiiish they did. but, i like where they live now too…
@shannon, MANDY!
i'm such a nostalgic woman too. not to the point where i'm wishing i was back there, but where i'm really really thankful for what i did have. it's not a bad way to live. but i totally know what you mean about being actively nostalgic! there are moments that i know i'm going to miss even as i'm living them. it's weird to think about.
also, i'm jealous that you lived in one house your whole life (until college/getting married). i want that for my kids. we moved twice and then when my parents got divorced, i had to go back and forth between mom and dad's every other day for 5 years. i want to just have one home and for our kids to have that too.
I read the first part of this post, not really catching the mood of nostalgia at all — while I had a perfectly normal and contented upbringing, I love my life so much right now that I don't miss it.
But the part where you described walking through your old house in your mind… yes, I do that. We moved into my growing-up house when I was five, but it's the only place I really remember living. And I loved it. I often walk through our old backyard and remember everything that happened there; it's not hard.
I think as my children get older, I'll become more nostalgic for our life together when they were babies. Already I find myself watching video of them when they were oh-so-little over and over, because they'll never be that tiny again, and how could I not miss it?
I'll be back to visit your blog again.
I dream about my old house all the time so it's as if my life is still there. The same house, different people, depending on where I am in life. The same goes for high school. I dream about that place on a weekly basis. Some things just never leave.
Wow I do that too! Walking through your childhood house in your mind right before you fall asleep. Not all the time, but sometimes when I can't sleep. It's bittersweet that some of the details are getting fuzzy, but mostly just sweet because of the memories.
I miss my childhood house as well. My parents moved right after my freshman year of college – they picked my up on my last day and we moved 600 miles away. I still have a little sadness with me that I never really got to say goodbye to it.
I, too, am extremely nostalgic. I am one to watch "Murder She Wrote" every time I see it on – not so much because it's a great show (because it's not), but because it brings me right back to the nights mom let me stay up "late" and watch it with her.
Aren't we just lucky to have such wonderful memories to be nostalgic about?!
well. this gave me chills AND made me tear up. darn you, bridget!
Ditto, Bridget, ditto.
I moved out of my parents house at only 17. I had my first daughter 6 months later. I have lived with my husband and daughters for over 19 years now and still become very nostalgic when the memories start coming back. Sometimes I think it is harder on me because I wasn't at home with my parents and sisters as long as I should of been. So I am becoming nostalgic over the memories I am remembering or all the ones I left to early to make?
I always find myself thinking of things like that. I think of the house I grew up in, and the pink couch I used to lay on, and the way my basement smelled, with its wood-burning stove. I remember the sound the wood made as it crackled. I only lived in that house for eight years, and had some pretty sad and trying times there, but I definitely miss the good times.
You had cotillion?! Do tell!
I'm very nostalgic as well – and have an elephant's memory [seriously remember many man days from when i was 3 and all the days after that :)] I love it but i do think I get a little carried away thinking about the past so much. this may be totally unrelated but have you seen Midnight in Paris? it touches on this feeling in people, to want to be in a different time than their own because it seemed better or more fun, or simpler. It taught me a good lesson of being equally grateful for the PRESENT as i am for the past 🙂
which i'm sure you are…. but seriously see that movie 😛
I felt that way too for a long time about my fam's house in santa barbara after they moved out of state. painfully so. and then one day.. I got over it and never missed it again. So good for you that you're able to hold on and not forget. I think it's such a blessing to have the best memories inside a home and be able to remember them and be nostalgic for them.
ps. dr quinn medicine woman on friday nights? why are we not friends in real life!?
I love taking time to remember things of my childhood, and I think having a chronic illness for 5 years now has made me even more nostalgic about everything before I was sick. The memories are what keeps me going sometimes!
i can get lost in nostalgia… don't even talk about old letters, photos… I could be there for a full day and not uncover what my nostalgic heart is looking for.
anyway, i love remembering. and it's a good thing (:
@doug/lucia, yes, saw that movie! loved it!
@marshalls, dr quinn is where it's at! i'd still watch it if it were on!
I'm super nostalgic too, Bridget… I think I have trouble living in the moment… I think a lot about the past, and even more about the future (I worry about the future, losing people I love, Gracie and Cooper dying, etc). But yes, sometimes deja vu just comes out of NO WHERE. It's the strangest thing, a memory.
Have a great day, pretty lady. 🙂
I'm so nostalgic that my little boy once said to me, "it sounds like all the good times happened before I was born." ouch.
Anyway, I like what you said here: "i mean, if you are actively nostalgic then won't it force you to be grateful for the people and times when you're in them?" I'm gonna try to make that true. Great post.