Birthdays have come and gone and graduations have been cancelled (Lindsey is a senior. What a year to be a senior.). Exercise classes gone virtual alongside kid’s schooling (though, they’ll be outdoors starting next week, and I’m so looking forward to that). We’ve done some car dates, eating take out on our laps. I’ve found the nighttime cuddles to sleep even more sacred than I used to. I get in between them and I enthusiastically declare, “This is one of my favorite parts of the whole day!” These precious, vulnerable little hearts that grew inside me, now smooshed up next to me (that they were once inside me never ceases to feel miraculous), moving slowly from day to night, giving in to sleep. I feel the rise and fall of their little chests, and look out the window to the tree that’s now an explosion of green and wonder, in this strange mix of guilt and gratefulness, why am I this lucky? 
It feels as though we’re drowning in the brokenness of the world around us: from the global pandemic with all of it consequences (seen and unseen), to a story of a desperately sick young child, to the heart-wrenching (and way too frequent) stories of police brutality against people of color. That these things impact me in a similar way observing a terrible car accident does–driving past, feeling awful, but still being okay in my own car–is this really strange and terrible thing to sit with. I feel this incredible survivor’s guilt and sadness and what can I do beyond let my own heart break. I’m not saying any of the right things–I truly don’t know what to say–but I am saying what’s on my heart and, no doubt, it’s coming from the privileged place where I sit at present. Why do I sit here? Because I just happen to be born into the family and into the place and into the time in which I was born? I mean, at the heart of it, that’s really it, right? Doesn’t seem fair.
Here we are, it’s almost June. It’s 85 degrees here today and I’m hoping to go to a beach with a container of chicken salad we can dig out of, sand-free. We’ll call it dinner. Anders’ questions keep me constantly in awe of kids’ wonder. Yesterday–how do they say buffalo in London? Today, while Parker reads the Pinkish Purplish Bluish Egg to him (a Bill Peet)–is Bill Peet still alive? I respond, “no, he’s in heaven now but he was older.” He says, “that’s sad.” I say, “Yes, I know, but maybe he’ll do story hour in heaven and we can be there one day?” He liked that idea. He also liked the idea of the tallest man alive (Steve googled him recently) helping him climb up a dinosaur and get a ride in heaven. Sometimes it’s comforting. To imagine the peace that I hope awaits us all there, especially those who didn’t find it here on earth.
Secretariat and four other family friendly movies that Mom and Dad will enjoy too.
I’m always itching for a good weekend movie night with, hopefully, a movie that Steve and I will thoroughly enjoy too as opposed to one solely for the kids. Sometimes it feels like a big ask. So when we do find one that we’re all equally thrilled by, it feels like such a win. Here’s a few:
The Best Snack: Crispy, Seasoned Baked Potato Wedges (and Garlic Aioli)
I couldn’t be bothered to take a nicer photo, to add parsley, to pull out my nice camera. All I could do was hover over them, holding my garlic aioli in one hand, taking giant swipes of the dip with a wedge in the other, and hoping that nobody heard my chewing in the other room lest they tried to join me. The dreaded what are you eating? What I am saying is these are simply amazing and you should make and eat them today (and don’t share).
Notes for the Road.
My little buddies. As strange and heavy as this time has been, I really, really love having these guys around and watching their friendship grow deeper (don’t love the absurd amount of fighting they are also capable of, however). Hope you guys are hanging in there wherever you are and staying healthy.
Some weekend reading…
Produce and plants on my counter.
left to right: honeysuckle and ajuga from American Meadows, snap peas germinating, grass that Anders planted back at school, produce from Misfits Market, and the trusty compost colander
Mother’s Day! Some of my favorites in gift guide form.
Mothers everywhere juggling more balls in the air than ever, so let’s show them a little love with a gift. A beautiful plant from a local nursery, a a night of takeout from a restaurant that’s doing so, the best breakfast casserole in bed (not made by her even a little bit!), a box of peaches, a mason jar with some forsythia branches, a day with NO fighting (!!)… there’s so many (inexpensive or nearly free!) options. Here’s a few more things I love.
Notes for the Road.
Playing War with your little one definitely counts as homeschool math. Check! How are you all doing? Today is rainy here in the Boston area but yesterday was gorgeous and we were outside most of the day. More days like that, please. I’d ask what your weekend plans are but… quarantine. Maybe you’re watching or making or reading something fantastic though? Do tell.
Here’s some weekend reading…
Five things I’m loving right now.
01. Flowers. Looking at them, dreaming of them, imagining a completely different sort of backyard and one that looks a little more unruly, wild like I live in England and wear wellies everywhere and have an enormous rambling cut flower garden and brick walls not terribly dissimilar to the Secret Garden complete with brick walls that roses of all types climb and bloom on. And, yes, in this dream I have an English accent, wear dresses to garden because, of course, and drink absurd amounts of tea. I feel like this is the first year since having kids that I really have the mental space for gardening. Prior to this year it felt like one of those lofty goals that I wanted to be ready for while also being pretty certain I’d just kill whatever I tried to grow. Plus, gardening, like so many hobbies, can be expensive. To buy and then kill was more than I could bear. I wanted to do it right and until I could, forget about it. Let me tell you, the little gardening I have done (little being egg cartons with seedlings that have yet to even sprout) has been a total joy-giver and such a nice distraction from current events. Hopefully this isn’t a passing quarantine-crazy fancy, but I made what is perhaps the most bougie order of my life and got three rose bushes from UK longtime rose-genius David Austin (thank you for the recommendation, Sylvia!) that I am going to nurture with the tenderness of a newborn baby. When my family goes on vacation, not I… I’ll be home tending the roses. No doubt they will be featured in their own post one day (assuming this goes well). Above photo from the folks at Floret Farm, which brings me to the question–do you have their books and are they as beautiful (but also useful) as I imagine them to be? The covers alone…
02. Hello, these meatballs. You already know that any recipe with an Asian flare is right up my alley. The most basic of thing with some ginger or sesame oil or cilantro or soy sauce (I have yet to convert to coconut aminos or some such healthier stand in for soy sauce and please don’t make me.) is made so delicious. These meatballs are going to be great, I know it, and I will say as much when they are!
03. This bathing suit top is so cool. Will it translate to real life? I feel like it might and I love it. (Also for the sun coverup feature — I’m always trying to be mindful of sunscreen, especially on my chest area. That can take a beating!)
04. The greenhouse at Michelle Cannon Smith’s home. I have taken a deep dive into her Instagram (and, subsequently, her blog) and I like her gardening philosophy. When focused too much on doing it the “right” way, all the joy is taken out of gardening. Trial and error! I’m taking that to heart, big time. Her highlights are useful for those looking to grow some food this spring/summer. Because of her, I have discovered what will be the second most bougie purchase of my life and it is this watering lance that I am tentatively asking for for Mother’s Day.
05. Related to numbers 1 and 4, is this site. My goodness was this a delight to stumble upon (enough that I texted it to a handful of friends who I knew would also love it). I would love virtually everything on it, but I suppose I would settle for a vase, and one of these adorable planters. Settle for, lol. But really, such nice picks for a special Mother’s Day something.
my best bedtime-for-kids tip to calm the crazies!
Sometimes there’s rhyme and there’s reason, sometimes there’s neither. Those nights when my kids fall fast asleep–quickly, efficiently instead of lurching about the room like large whack-a-moles–and I can point to why: oh! It was all the fresh air! And other times when the sleep just will not come and I find blame: damn that chocolate too late in the day! But, because this is how life and parenthood is, sometimes that fresh air does not inspire sleep in the evening and sometimes the sleep comes despite that afternoon chocolate. Steve laughs at my uncanny desire to constantly be trying to assess, trying to assert blame or find reason as to why things happened one way versus another. It’s just my gift, really. If only I were better at the actual predictions…
Notes for the Road.
Heading into another weekend, and forgetting what day is what. Without the typical routine, a Monday is a Wednesday is a Saturday. They all run into each other. How are you guys doing? Steve and I are hoping to do a pseudo date night this weekend while supporting a small business via takeout. We’ve had so little alone time with four kids of all ages home all the time. Have you done any “date nights” since this all began? {The above photo from here}
Some weekend reading…