then
I have a hard time with change. If you know me, you know this. Change puts me in a funk, a state, a blah. Whenever summer arrived, a carefree time I anticipated all school year long, I’d be in a funk for a few days or so until I got my bearings and became accustomed to the new normal. Then, when the school year arrived again as was inevitable, I’d be in another funk, learning another new normal. This happened every year without fail, made worse in college when my old normal wasn’t five blocks away but six hours.
So, turning 25, though devoid of any noticeable change (Ah! I feel older! Look at the wrinkles! Where did 24 go?! Or not.), still got me thinking. Where did childhood go? I find myself mourning the loss of that young, carefree, innocent girl. The one who flitted from kitchen to bedroom to friend Sally’s house to school to the garage to grab my bright green cruiser to the basement to play school for hours on end. I remember her, but she seems pretty far away. My biggest worries then? When would I get those awesome Doc Martens that everyone else seemed to have, why oh why was I always stuck in the outfield in pigtail softball (you know, the ball doesn’t really get to the outfield much in pigtail softball), and Mom, what’s for dinner?
Now, it’s refinancing, a massacre at Fort Hood, is William enjoying school?, what will I be doing in five years, Somali pirates take another boat, why are so many people suffering, God?, the quest to live closer to the rest of my loved ones, and keeping my humidity-loving Boston fern alive despite the lack of humidity during the winter months in my home. For someone who doesn’t love change, growing up in and of itself, is bursting at the seams with change. And the BBC’s headliners splattered with all its many woes hasn’t been proven to help.
We can’t go back in time. Despite how much I’d like to for just a few days, it’s not going to happen. Grin and bear it? I’d hope to do more than that, but sometimes that’s just what I do. There are many moments to come, both beautiful and joyful, new and exciting, and they are something to look forward to. There is more to learn about this wonderful man I call my husband. There are more laughs to be had when my kids do something ridiculously silly and, almost best of all, there is more wisdom that will grow in me with time. Wisdom to be a better person, wisdom to deal with difficult situations better, wisdom to be more grateful for what is right, wisdom to see there will be illumination on the other side of the tough stuff, wisdom to be a better Mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, follower, and leader. I didn’t have this when I was little. So, despite the loss, there is gain. There is lots of gain and lots to be gained. So, I say, “Change… take your best shot!”
