It’s been a beautiful, winter, Christmastime/post Christmastime, sleepy, hazy respite from being online and plugging in for the last little bit (also a time for run-on sentences, apparently; that’s what happens when I get rusty here.). Here I sit on the couch in pajamas and a robe, hair a bit dirty and thrown up in a messy bun, wanting to indefinitely remain, gazing up every few minutes at a little boy standing before me showing me how Kai’s Fire Mech arm swivels with the flame on the end (Ninjago-speak for those in the dark), snuggle another one who every now and again is tucking himself into my side handing me a book to read (current number one: Cowardly Clyde by Bill Peet). After various needs are met, I glance back down to pick up where I left off with Love Warrior, sipping on lukewarm coffee every few minutes and adjusting my blanket to be sure it’s still covering my feet. This is the break between the chaos, or at least the break after the chaos. And it really did get chaotic for a bit despite my certainty that the race-to-the-finish-for-Christmas is very much not for me. Did I sign up for too many things? Promise too much? It’s all well and done now but I’m analyzing a bit how to do it better in the future. Are you feeling it too? Even so, I do want to record our time in the city earlier this month before it’s forgotten and we’re deep into 2019.
Notes for the Road: Gift Guide Edition
In case you’re still shopping (I am; but am nearing the finish line), here’s some things I have or a few that I’d really like to have. For the various people in your lives! But wait! I didn’t forget the men, or teens, or babies in your life too. Check out this year’s gift guide!
Merry Christmas! Watch Little Women or Home Alone this weekend and have your favorite beverage in pajamas. Tis also the season to just sit back and RELAX!
a letter to anders on his fourth birthday.
i started writing this letter to anders in his journal while in bed at night a few days ago. i thought i’d record it here too.
anders! you are 4! and by some miracle your baby cheeks that shake when you run, and your dimpled knuckles have remained, not to mention the way you frequently fall asleep on me, stretched lengthwise down my chest and torso, in bed at night. i think this is god’s small but incredibly precious gift to me because he knew how hard it was for me to accept that you’d be my last baby. not only hard, nearly impossible for like three years straight. in part, my sweet boy, i blame you. you were (are) by all accounts one of the best babies i’ve ever known. i guess i haven’t known known that many babies but definitely a few so just bear with me. december 7, 12:20 am. you came out! 20 minutes past your due date, nearly right on time. there you were in the water before i scooped you out and brought you to my chest. even there, you were pretty no nonsense. simple labor, even helping me get the water birth i wasn’t supposed to have (sneaky). i loved you right from the start. you had one rough night–literally night one!–where you were a bit fussy but that was just a blip on the radar because after that you slept pretty much all night long, every night, going forward. i remember even remarking to your dad once, “i don’t think i’ve ever actually had to stand up in the middle of the night yet” when you were like 5 or 6 months old. all your needs were met with me lying right by your side, nursing and back to sleep, nestled in the crook of my arm. so kind of you! eventually the blonde fuzz came in, followed by the full cheeks, bright blue eyes, pouty pink lips, and i thought, “oh god, he is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.” we went on a lot of adventures, right from the start. planes, trains, and automobiles, and buddy, you were the greatest little adventurer any of us could ask for. there’s something about a baby who is so kind, so relaxed, so willing to let his needs be met “whenever is convenient for you, mom and dad”. it’s almost a little heartbreaking, even? you’ve been breaking our hearts since the start. it’s hard to even try to sum up all the ways in which i love you. the hilarious things you say, the way you ask me questions as we’re driving along like, “how do they make paper? and screwdrivers? is this car aerodynamic?” (aerodynamic didn’t sound quite like aerodynamic and took some translating for me to figure it out. your words are my favorite.) the way you’ll share things, even things that are really precious to you (like your snacks; you love snacks, but will almost always still give a bite if asked). the way, during the pj masks catboy song that we listen to on spotify, you wait for the moment that catboy is announced, to go sprinting through the house, so serious, so fast like the song is truly announcing your arrival on stage. the way you try to get your whole sentence out in one breath so that at the end you have to take a deep inhale. the way you go along to get along–how many cross country meets, volleyball or softball games, lacrosse games you’ve sat through of your older siblings, and sat through happily. you’re last in a lineup of six and this has meant that you aren’t always the top priority but you just go with it. we always find our quiet moments, don’t we? it’s a must in our sometimes too-busy life. you are my littlest boyfriend, and i get pretty darn close to giddy every night to cuddle up next to you. it’s truly a lovefest. when i get in bed, you’re already fast asleep and i wrap my arms around your body and bring you close in, inevitably falling asleep with my nose tucked in close by your neck, trying to take you in. that’s been the hope from the start. take this boy in, take it all in. sometimes the pressure, self-imposed of course, has been unbearable. but here’s the thing, buddy. you’ve been such a joy. and a joy like you is something you want to experience over, and over, and over again. the highest high, and i’m desperate to rewind and relive. even if it’s just this once, living out my days with you near, anders, is the greatest gift. i’m just not convinced it’s only once, though. and i always want more… more of this, more of you. i sometimes wonder if life with babies is a glimpse of heaven. the ability to reenter those precious, life-giving moments. i won’t have the answers here, but doing it even once still feels like something of a miracle. thank you for being you. thank you for blessing me, every day, multiple times a day. being your mom is the greatest gift. happy birthday, my sweet anders-badger.
hunt christmas extravaganza, viii.
hunt christmas extravaganza!!! it came and went and here i am, over a week later, posting about it. it was so much fun though. i got all the hunts to come–nathaniel and jordan included–with a threatening text, “i’m cancelling christmas if you don’t come to get the tree with us,” a few weeks earlier. jordan, who had forgotten and had double booked to be climbing mount washington with his friend said, “okay fine. but if my friend dies, it’s on you.” update: his friend is fine. however with snow drifts up to his chest, he did not make it up the mountain.
Notes for the Road
Today is Anders 4th birthday! I’ll be back next week with a little post for that sweet, special boy. For now we’re heading off to do fun things we’ve planned. Hope you have a great weekend.
Everyone needs an Anders.
today, like so many days, anders-badger was like a kid on christmas morning. i was making gingersnaps and he bounded out of the kitchen in his cream and gray striped onesie hanna pajamas yelling, “yes! i love these!” he sat down to eat one and exclaimed, “yay!” as he took the first bite. a few minutes later, it was bedtime, and he climbed into bed and crawled on top of me (he still routinely falls asleep this way, like he did as a newborn) and said, “yay! your soft shirt! i want to stay with you forever!” and all of these with a level of enthusiasm that is perhaps the purest thing in the whole wide world. i turned to parker–we often do this when anders is being beyond the pale funny or cute or sweet–and we gave each other a knowing smile. “everyone needs an anders in their life,” i said. he smirked, and gave a nod, agreeing with me.
Slow down, it’s Christmas.
I’m not sure when I let myself, my pace, become somewhat harried, frenetic even, but lately I can’t quite nail down who I told what to, and wait, what did we do last weekend, and did I speak out of turn, and dinnertime has come around again and I have to cook something? Perpetually working on my computer with no fewer than nine tabs open at one time, and iPhoto right behind that, Lightroom behind that, and, and, and.
Let’s just say, I am taking right now, right here, to make some promises to myself.
new york city with melissa and doug!
I’ve already talked a bit about this recent partnership–truly, I felt (and feel) so grateful to have been a part of it–but today I want to get into the details. There were so many reasons why this was so exciting for me. It brought some really like-minded people together, and to talk about something that’s top of mind to us all. Plus, it was in the fantastic NYC, and was all put on by what is truly one of my favorite children’s toy brands, Melissa and Doug. Their mission: “Take Back Childhood”–I can seriously get behind that! It was an honor to be invited, and I’m excited to share more with you guys.
This post is sponsored by Melissa and Doug.
weekend in chapel hill!
We spent a few days in the beautiful Chapel Hill (our first time; I’ve only been to the Asheville area of NC before!) recently and my, oh, my what a beautiful part of the world it is, and with a beautiful college campus too. I can see how it gets its reputation. Beautiful brick facades everywhere, gardens, sweet winding paths leading from this building to that one. UNC is about five times the size of my tiny alma mater’s campus, but still manages to feel quaint and not at all overwhelming. I know I have some Chapel Hill alums as readers, so tell me how long it took to learn the campus and get from place to place without getting lost?! Aside from the campus, you’ve got East Franklin Street running through it all with cafes and bars and FRIED CHICKEN AND BISCUITS (hear that last part in a Matthew McConaughey voice, please). Anyway, I’m excited to share a whole lot of pictures with you and some more about our time there. This was a partnership with Chapel Hill/Orange County Visitors Bureau, and we were grateful to be asked to do it!
Notes for the Road: Black Friday edition
hope you guys all had a great thanksgiving. we went to my sister’s house, and the food was delicious. i made these string beans (highly recommend), and these sweet potatoes that william requests every year. only problem with going elsewhere–you don’t get to keep all the leftovers! and now i’m really craving a loaded thanksgiving leftovers sandwich, extra gravy. {above: jacket / mittens: (old) anthro / hat: (old) etsy / sweatpants: h&m / shoes}
here’s a bit of a normal notes for the road post, but with some black friday deals in there too. hope no one is stressing about getting all the deals! sometimes, it’s just too much, and easier to… ignore the day completely (mostly what i will be doing). i also think i just can’t be thoughtful enough about what to really get when the deals are being thrown at me (and we JUST had thanksgiving. i haven’t fully switched into christmas mode yet.). so here’s a few, but remember… no stress!