this is going to sound a little like a pity party. because it is one. ready?! let’s go!
sleep is touch and go these days. with a budding eight month old who’s mind is going-going-going, who is getting four top teeth, and who’s only food source is nursing (i’ve tried food–he’s not interested.), we are not sleeping through the night. not at all. i totally value alone time. i always have. safe to say there’s slim to none of that these days. for awhile i had been staying up too late after parker went to sleep to just wind down, read a magazine, drink tea, surf blogs, watch a movie, be quiet… these days, i’m finding that i like myself a whole lot better if i head to bed soon after he does. there goes that ‘me’ time. i’m feeling a bit like a ship passing in the night with my husband. he’s up working, i’m going to bed, he’s off to work in the morning, i’m asking him to be with the baby when he gets home so i can do some laundry, cook dinner. you get it. it’s hard to find quality time. it’s hard to find quiet time for yourself. it’s just hard. i know this is sort of par for the course in life with a baby and a house full of kids, but as the laundry baskets pile up and the refrigerator empties, it just gets a bit tiresome at times, ya know?
i love being a mom. i feel overwhelmed with blessing that i get to stay home and be with this incredible little boy day in and day out. that when william and lindsey get off the bus, they’re not coming home to an empty house but one with me in it to ask how their days were. but, i am a bit tired. i want a time out from cooking dinner, doing laundry, vacuuming, grocery shopping. wah, wah, wah.
i’m just having a downer week, you could say. one of the kids hurt my feelings the other day, nothing intentional, something i really took too personally, but it had me all out of sorts and sad the whole day. and when you’re tired, everything seems bigger than it needs to be. the weather here is gray and after last week’s unreal weather, i should be okay with that–we were spoiled already. but really, i just want more of that beautiful weather that lifts the spirits and makes you want to lay in the sun. i want to save money, to put it away to finally buy a lens i’ve had on my list for like two years, but when the dishwasher repairman comes and, fifteen minutes later you’re handing him a check for a hundred and five dollars, it just pushes those wants (it’s not a need, i know this.) further away. again, wah, wah, wah.
most mornings i wake up and tell steve how happy i am to be surrounded by loved ones. i mean, i really feel it. i feel so lucky. to have our health (we have our health! this is to be celebrated!), food on our table, and enough money to sometimes be a little bit frivolous with it. i really can’t even count the blessings…
but, this week… well, i’ve just been funky.
but, the title of this post promises me getting out of it, right? right. that’s music. hardly a day (or hour!) goes by in this house when i’m not playing something on pandora, my ipod, spotify… i love me some music. it’s an instant mood-lifter, game-changer for me. when you find that song or album that you have a serious visceral reaction to where you could just listen to it, lie on the floor looking up at the ceiling and think, “this is the greatest song ever” (and surely i’ve said that about, oh, five hundred different songs)… well, it’s major. you know what i mean?!? you do, right? where you practically get the chills, it’s so good. i love to find those songs, those artists. i pocket them carefully and take them out on sunny and rainy days alike. this morning what got me out of my downer mood was fleet foxes. i love those guys. i mean love them. it’s not everyday that you find an artist whose every song you love but they’re it for me (except one song, really, but still… good odds!). anyway, where was i. bad mood bridget, surfing the ipod… so, i put on grown ocean off their helplessness blues album and i swear, it began to lift. even parker was bumping to the music. i declare this is his first time doing anything resembling dancing. his little bum was moving up and down while he was on all fours. “play on, fleet foxes!” he didn’t say it, but he thought it. i listened to that album for days and days while i was big with belly last summer. so, i guess it makes sense. he’s heard it before. anyway, as that song played my day got a little brighter. and a little brighter. and a little brighter. i mean, it’s not solving my sleep issues or getting the laundry folded and put away, but at least i can listen to it alongside my coffee in the morning.
safe to say, fleet foxes played all day long.
you want summa that?
Feel better(: mint ice cream and a good movie always helps me!!
Firstly, I've never heard of Fleet Foxes before so thank you for that!
Secondly, I'm not a parent myself and I can't begin to comprehend the pressures that must go with the title, but from what I have heard and seen (and please take this from someone who knows nothing about the subject he's trying to give advice about, hah), I think a lot of its about the hard times, more hard times, and even more hard times, BUT then a moment of joy (say when Parker dances for the first time or Lindsey compliments the dinner you've made) and it's great.
Hope you feel better soon and for what it's worth, really enjoy the blog.
argh, sleep deprivation and no me space, I feel your pain as a mumma! Lack of proper sleep just makes everything out of whack, I really hope it gets better really soon.
I had super hungry baby boys, and when they went onto solids the sleep transformation was noticable, and that was at 4months, your little man might just be needing food even if he doesn't want it? It might be a yucky short term pain barrier but it might be a whole lot better the other side??
But, you know him best and are his mum, so I'm going to stop being one of those reeeeaaaalllyy annoying other mothers that thinks she knows best!;) Hang in and keep blasting out the Foxes!x
Ah I was just telling my husband while on our first date since NOVEMBER! that by 5pm I don't want anyone to touch me, talk to me, ask me for anything because I'm just done. D.O.N.E. so obviously you are feeling it too! Fortunately it passes. Most things with kiddos are stages and it gets better!
Oh, goodness, I remember those days. Being a mom is so rewarding and so exhausting & draining all at once. When we don't feel well-rested (ha!), it really affects our outlook.
(My youngest didn't sleep through the night until he was 9 months old. We lived in a rental while our current house was being built. I didn't want him all the way down the hall in his own room, so he was with us in our room. The night we moved into our new house, he slept in his own room, and slept peacefully through the night. It was glorious.)
I hope you get some quality time with Steve this weekend, along with some good time for yourself!
Have so been there. Know that our Ava didn't sleep through until 18 months. I was a walking zombie and also ended up going to sleep when she did each night just to try to get a few hours in.
It absolutely gets better. Hang in there!
hang in there.. is he still napping much? hope you're resting then instead of doing laundry/dishes. its okay to give the big people peanut butter and jelly for dinner sometimes. this too shall pass and someday we will each look back and wish for these days and even the nights.
love your writing, love fleet foxes, just love you.
here's a hug, a high five, and another fun song: Neon Trees: "everybody talks" . do it… dance parties ensue : )
happy friday buddy
boy can i relate!! This to shall pass and even though we know this as moms that we are in a season of intense Motherhood sometimes we have a breaking point and thats OK! If you weren't able to talk about this then maybe there would be a BIG problem but i sense your a great MOM:)) Praying your weekend is better and that you get some alone time!!:)) P.S Thanks for being so real
I so feel you on this – and we don't even have kids yet! So I really can't imagine.
Thanks for the great tunes – I'm listening now 🙂
I love the label on this post–"sad sucks." So true.
I'm not a stay at home mom, but I do work really reasonable hours. I'm home most days by 3:30, and there are definitely days when I look down at my clock at 6:30 and think, "Oh my God, when is he coming home." So, I totally understand. It's so worth it, though.
Thanks for the music recommendation. I'm always on the lookout for good music.
I think it's interesting that even through your pity party, you write with such perspective and maturity, two things I definitely don't have. And let me tell you, if someone hurts my feelings I CANNOT get out of the funk until I have validation from them. It's a big deal to my heart for some reason.
I relate to each point you've shared…no time for self, no time with husband – love my baby, love my life, love my health and yet I'd still love a "day off". Haha. Maybe in 16 years?? Thanks for sharing your game-changer and your heart so honestly.
good news: it is friday! i hear you, though, i've been having a rough week – and i don't even have kids! some weeks are like that, though, and i think the best thing we can do is be gentle with ourselves and give time to be a bit down – but always with a time limit! and music really is such a good soother. xoxoxox hoping you get a little 'you time' this weekend.
I read somewhere recently that people who REALLY know how to appreciate life have to go through some low points too. It's like their brain needs to reset those happy chemicals.
How can we know how good things are until we know how bad they can be too?
I think it's important not to avoid those lows. Feel 'em, move on, etc.
…
I'm jealous of those people who are going to discover FF for the first time on your blog today. That was my Boston music and I always go back to that time whenever I hear them.
FINALLY.
Stupid blogger.
AHHH i am on the same boat…Raul is super sick and i have not slepped in 3 days…its horrible i find myself walking like one of the zombies from show The Walking dead (which by the way is AWESOME!!)and its at the point that hes soo attached to me especially when he sick that he REFUSES!!! for anyone else to hold him so you can imagine how that goes when daddy comes home and mami needs a break..ahhh but man i feel you on the warm weather..i have his pull car assembled and ready to go that as soon as there is warm weather i am out the door with him….Oh it will get better as they grow and become independent and eventually we will miss what we are going thru ;-(
Fleet Foxes. Never ever heard of 'em. Love this little diddy too. I'll look into more of their music! Hope today you feel uplifted!
I've decided that pity parties are a necessity of life as long as they're short lived and few and far between!
And having spent a lot of time working with kids, they deliver some of the most heart wrenching blows without even realizing their power. So I feel ya, girl!
When I'm feeling low, I listen to Ryan Shaw's "We Got Love." It was our wedding song and full of all sorts of toe tapping happiness. I think you might like it. 🙂
hi bridget! i stumbled across your blog this week (not sure how – but i'm glad i did!) i love your writing style, humor and honesty. anywho, i'm no stranger to a pity party and music is certainly a game-changer for me, too! if you're looking for some more mood-lifting tunes, check out josh garrels and ben howard. based on my (brief) intro to your taste- i think you might enjoy! thanks for starting out my day with fleet foxes. happy friday!
turn them up louder…
Glad you're feeling better–music helps me too.
But if that fails, chocolate can be a good alternative.
And everyone is allowed a pity party once in a while.
You are allowed to throw yourself a pity party here. In fact, it's encouraged. And I agree with Elizabeth, the low points only help make the high points that much better. Kind of like when your vag felt like it was going to fall out after birth…but then when it was so much better you wanted to celebrate. Too much?
It's okay to have pity parties. Some days seem like the worst possible and then the next day it can all brighten up. Some days we get to complain and boo hoo. It's a hard job!
We must carve out the me time. It's the best advice as a parent I can give. Even if you take 10 minutes to go for a walk around the block alone it counts. Listen to your ipod when you need to zone out for a few minutes. Don't beat yourself up, we all have weeks like these.
A little prayer for sunshine for you – both physically shining outside and a bit shining inside the house too. So so glad you found music to cheer you up! It's so hard sometimes, you don't want to complain about your life because you realize it is blessed, so we spend half of our posts trying to make sure people realize that we realized we are blessed. But you know what – sometimes even our chosen, happily blessed lives are just HARD. And we shouldn't have to justify to friends why something is hard. So I say whine away sister. No sleep is NOT fun and no personal time isn't either. Get your squeezes and loves in and hope for a better day tomorrow when in the midst of a sucky one. Cause you will have a better one, and someday…. Glorious someday… Maybe even 8-10 straight hours of sleep 🙂
I get how you feel. I find I am generally content with little to no me time for a few weeks and then it's like I have to have it, have to stay up late to feel like my happy self once again. It must be that much harder with a baby who will only nurse and who does not sleep. I can't imagine only nursing an eight month old with all of their energy he must be draining you dry! I hope he comes around to the solids soon and gets back to sleeping. Hang in there and don't feel guilty about feeling less than stellar when you're running on empty.
listened to this ish (awesomeness) all the time on vinyl (which makes me cool) while sve was in the womb.
Music always, always, always makes me feel better too.
My 2 cents: give that baby some food! He may not like the cereal at first, but at his age, he needs some solids and it will make a world of difference. I exclusively nursed both of my girls and both of them were over 8 pounds at birth and I am pretty small and while I would not change a thing, it was physically draining, for sure!
**putting on pushy older lady hat**
Keep trying the solids, that sweet baby is hungry, but when he gets some solid food in his belly, he will sleep through the night! Promise! 😉
In the meantime, keep dancing! 🙂
I hope you have a bright, shiny, and happy weekend! And, yes, Fleet Foxes are sooo good! My husband and I went to see them in Tulsa for our anniversary, and it was a fun show!
oh yes, fleet foxes fixes allllll bad days. look up "the lumineers" if you haven't heard of them yet. you can stream their cd through the website, but it should be coming out soon. hope they can cheer you up too.
oh sista, i could have written this post. each and every word. that conflicted emotion of having so much to feel grateful for, yet feeling in a rut at the same time. you are a lot younger than i. gosh, at your age i was married but still not a mama. but i think age is irrelevant. this is the side of stay at home motherhood that isn't talked about as much. probably the reason for all the mid afternoon cocktails and cigarettes in the 50's. now we have blogs. ha! anyway, it will get easier when parker is older and sleeping better. my first child slept through the night when he was a couple months old. great, perfect. my second didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months. gah. i had stopped working with the second and felt no need to rush him, no need to follow things so by the book. for what it's worth that second child of mine is far more content as a three year old than the first {more rigidly parented child} not sure how much of that has to do with parenting and how much has to do with their born temperaments. regardless,i still have days {weeks} where i feel like i'm housekeeper, cook, etc. etc. and it feels like every waking moment is about filling the needs of someone else. sometimes i remind myself that i signed up for this and to stop complaining, other times i have my own pitty party {matt kearney gets me out of my funk}, BUT most of the time life is rather grand. take it a day at a time. i think writing about it helps, so good for you. and you NEED alone time with the hubs. it makes everything better. i have to remind myself of that too. {ps. to contradict every other mother, i'm not sure that sleep is always connected to solid foods. i think that little man of yours adores you as much as you do him and wants a little comfort in the night. i wouldn't force foods until he is ready. truly. i think it can make for a bad association with what should truly be a pleasurable experience. let him take his time.}
tessa
I've been in the same place lately. Grateful…so grateful…for the love in my life, but in a bit of a funk, nonetheless. And when you're in that funk, it's easy to feel so alone and so awful about feeling awful, so it's good to know that others feel it, too. And that they've found ways to climb out of it. Thank you for being brave enough to air your thoughts here.
Love you blog- I never comment b/c my 20 month old seems to always be hanging off of me. I just had to comment tonight and say thank you for the post. I was having a Woe is me (WIM day as I like to say). I have a 20 month old who has never slept more than 2 hours at one time – he breastfeeds contstantly. Anyway, my morning started off miserable. I am just exhausted and was having my own pitty party until I read your blog and listened to Fleet Foxes and it made me feel so much better. I was a Fleet Fox virgin – so thank you for introducing them to me. 🙂
My husband is finally home from work so I am taking my 20 minute break listening to FF as I type. 🙂
You should go see the hunger games and leave Steve with a bottle. Ya never know…some magic might happen! When my hubby was still stateside he'd make me leave and just figuered out what to do for Evie. I was always checking my phone mind you…but it helped a lot! Being a domestic goddess sometimes gets me down too. Or that my husband is deployed. Glad to see I'm not the only one who has the occasional pity party.
Can I just commiserate, for once, on this sleep thing! Now that Lux is finally trying to catch up to Parker's teeth and crawling, sleep is totally out the window. All our just lovely sleep training–gone. Half the time I find her awake, crying, in the crawling position like she's about to go for a walk! Honestly, it feels like this will be the rest of my life, waking up all the time like this. But I know it will probably be something totally new next week…
anyway, you know you're my hero. keep it up girl.
Oh, how the little ones can affect us. Not the same as kids, but when I worked at a camp, I encountered the most poignant, truthful and BRUTAL comments from my campers. We learn so much from them, but they can also through us off.
Loved this post. Sometimes it just feels good to vent, and I say props to you for being honest on the blog. It always inspires someone 🙂
I have definitely been there too! It is the pros and cons of being a nursing mom. My little one never took a bottle, so I was it. I think following your gut and going to bed when he does is a brilliant plan! We didn't get a night's sleep until 11 months and then I figured out that our girl couldn't put herself back to sleep without nursing and then we followed a blend of Pantley/Ferber. It worked for us and gave me back my sanity, but only because I was ready to do it. Hope those teeth pop and it subsides a bit. Adele was my music savior along with playing WXPN all day long! It has turned ours into an XPN fan as well, so not too bad!
Dude. I'm right exactly there. My eight month old isn't into eating (a few bites here and there, maybe a handful of my pad thai just to be totally unpredictable) or sleeping. Maybe she and Parker should get together to compare notes.
And where did the sun go? And why can't I remember to kiss my husband more?
Zac Brown Band : me right now :: fleet foxes : you. There's a line in one of their songs about the touch of a precious child that melts me very time. In a happy way.
Anyway, thanks for sharing this stuff. It's really good to know I'm not a weirdo for feeling the same way. This stay at home mom gig really is a good one, but it can be a little isolating – reality checks help a lot.
Thank you for sharing the Fleet Foxes! Thanks to you, I have a new blog about them 🙂 I hope I did them justice, I doubt I did, but I promise to continue listening and learning about them!
http://beautifulfamilyaffairs.blogspot.com/2012/04/one-thing-i-love-social-network-online.html
I can connect with so many parts of this post… I know it's on the older side (we recently moved and I'm just now catching up on favorite blogs) but I do hope that your funk didn't last long.
I like (and very much need) me time. I'm an only child and so alone time is really what I do best. I don't function as well when I'm not getting ample quiet time to read, paint my nails, or go on a walk. When our daughter was born, my me time diminished drastically and it was hard to adjust. It still is. All I can say is… thank goodness for nap time.